This post has been influenced by a side effect of the life I live. I am a single person and I live on my own. I do not have a female object of affection in my life to mentally dissect and to be passive aggressive with. So I take all that time and energy out on myself. And I can be a real bastard.
I really wish I could afford the stereotypical male midlife crisis. A stripper half my age. And a sports car to compensate for what I am not physically endowed with. Maybe this is a good thing that I am not able to do it. Who wants to be sad cliché?
The sands of time are beginning to act like sand at the beach. And not in a good way. It is more like when the sand gets in your shorts and starts to chafe your crotch. Irritating. And you cannot deal with it in a public setting. Acknowledging it in public can really be embarrassing.
The Sands of time are starting to show me what it is and what it was. Sometimes the line between the two can be very blurry. (Maybe I need to have my eyes checked out. It is not easy to determine what to hold on to and what to let go of. The answer is not always going to be the one I want. Bob Dylan was wrong. The answer is not always “blowing in the wind.”
Watch this video from comedian Greg Behrendt. His realization is part of the influence on the next part in this posting.
Time is catching up to me. I am about to hit an age in which I will become “Officially Uncool”. And I did it without becoming married and with children that usually mark that status achievement. I am leaving the age range that is most desired by advertisers. No more cool shit marketed to me. Except for the “magic blue pills”. And I am sure if I will need them because I have never let myself down. Sad but true. Wait! I did once. It was the result of an expensive bottle of bourbon. If you are going to disappoint yourself go for quality. Don’t slum it.
I had a moment recently where I had the revelation of my age. I had a new tenant move in this month. She is in her 20’s. She had some friends helping her with the move in. Amongst them were two guys also in their 20’s. One had a tattoo form the punk rock Black Flag. A band that broke up in 1986. the year this guy was probably born in. I was thinking how a band he never directly experienced could be something he would want to immortalize on his body. He should have a band from his generation. The other guy had a Descendants t-shirt on and it was for an album I have. I wanted to call to their attention that I am too a fan of that music. I still listen to that music. Listen up. Tell me! I’m still cool! Right? Then I realized when I was a teen I wore a Led Zeppelin t-shirt. A band I never directly experienced either. And I have most of their albums. In the end, I kept my mouth shut. I wanted someone else to at least acknowledge that somehow I was and still am relevant. I am still capable of being “cool”. However, in that moment I watched my “coolness” and a bit of my dignity slip away from me. And they both had the fingernail claw marks ripped into them as I had tried to desperately hold on to them.
I am too old for this shit. Almost.
Future possible posting: My Murtaugh List
No matter what I am still going out “rocking”.
Bonus clip from Greg Behrendt
I hear you. I’m not even done with my twenties, but the clock started ticking when I turned 25. I don’t think you should pay that much attention to the hourglass. We’re writers. All that matters is to get better, which means to be able to express problematic through fiction in a more universal way. Age doesn’t matter as long as the pen works fine. Maybe if you’re 75 it does, but 20, 30 , 40, for a writer, it’s the beginning. 50’s a mid-career writer. Unless you’re dead.
The way you speak, I might really be younger than you are, but I’ve been there. The desert crossing of being single. Makes you see everything about yourself with a magnifying glass because you don’t care about it, who will? Right? I don’t want to preach from the mountain like a Toilet Zarathustra, but I think as long as you keep writing with the same fire, everything’s in check.
Always enjoy reading you,
Ben
Ben,
You are right. I don’t know why I got stuck lately on this age thing. I have learned a lot from people who are older and even younger than me. I should remember to look at the validity of what a person is saying or doing. Rather than trying to first find the expiration date of an age.
And your words of encouragement to continue on made my morning. Thanks for taking the time.
Foley
You’re talented man. I wish I could blog with the same up-front honesty than you do. Keep it up!
B.