This is post that has been in my head for a while now. It has been one I needed to write and yet at the same time feared it too. It is not necessarily coming from a “good point”.
I have had another bout with the “blocks”. And it is mostly my own fault. However, I should know by now the month of June for some reason has always been a crazy month for me.
And for the last nine months my internal mantra has been, “It is what it is”. I will explain more about it as I go.
Recently, I had to erase all the games off my laptop. They had become an “addictive frustration”. They had become “time killers” when I wanted to feel some accomplishment when the other things (aka Writing) was not working. The games were really more about “luck” than any real “skill”.
I began to realize that I needed to create more of mental workout to meet my own needs. A few weeks ago I started using the website Lumosity. It is a workout for the brain. Every day there are five different games to play. They take about 10-15 minutes. I realized the brain needs “variety”. Hopefully, over time I will begin to see better performance with the output.
Everything you do has a “good” side and a “bad” side to it. The skill (more likely the secret trick) is trying to find a way to balance the two sides. You cannot accept that one side exists and deny the other. The “Human Condition” will always exist in duality. Risk and reward.
I know what I am attempting do here is always going to be “at odds”. It will always be a struggle with being acknowledged. And even greater struggle for validation. It is the nature of all of this. I think too many people are only willing to acknowledge what puts a piece of paper on the wall, a trinket on the mantle or better yet a pay stub. They use them too much in assigning “value” to almost everything. They need the “assurances” upfront.
I also come from a family that will not recognize this. I also have to admit my “role” is not that close for the most part anymore. But it probably never was. Once again, “It is what it is”. They are who they are. I come from a predominately Irish (part Italian) Roman Catholic family that only seems to acknowledge the condition of “Married with Children”. Last year, when Dad called the “Impromptu Family Gathering” I saw many of them for the first time in a while. They wanted to know what I was doing and all the other courtesies of such gatherings and such. I mentioned that I was doing some Internet publishing. There was not one of them that asked about URL address of where to find it. However, I did not let my hopes up that they would ask. For the most part, with that event and for my role with it, I should have (figuratively speaking) “Stayed in the parking lot”. For as quickly as everyone came, they left with the same speed.
“It is what it is”
I am also not going out of my way to go to events that require me “to be seen but not heard”. The gas prices are not that cheap. Besides my time has some value to it. I need to see that even if they can’t. It is a better move to just “put the head down and keep trying to move forward”.
Along these lines, I am no longer willing to give time to those who treat what I am attempting to do with “blank stares”. A hard lesson is realizing you cannot win over “indifference”. People are willing or they are not. Not everyone is going to be “in the audience”.
There are also two phrases, I hear all the time together and neither one have started a conversation in regards to my efforts. And think have either one of these ever really do so?
“What’s going on?”
An example: I say what I was writing about.
Followed by
“That’s nice”.
That phrase is just a polite attempt at being “dismissive”.
No conversation has ever carried on being started by those two phrases. And besides a “Two word reply” is almost useless basis for quality feedback. It needs to “Burn the calories” with the right people for it to be effective. Too many conversations (or lack of) have become the mental equivalent of “Eating a bag of potato chips”. Sure there is the sound of “chewing and crunching”. Sure there are “crumbs” left lying there. However, all of it is just in fact “empty calories”. And that is not the basis for a “healthy mental diet”
Only way to get to progress is to get back to “moving on”
And that means “Writing”.
Please note: In regards to subject of this posting. Due to several major projects at once this month. (Like having my roof replaced) My postings are not going to be on any specific time schedule. I can only do so much as “The One Man Army”. And clearing some of them will help in the near future.
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