This post is to get something out.
Try not to ponder too much more on it.
And move on.
It is hard to believe that it has been a full year since my dad’s official confirmation of diagnosis. And eight days later would lead to its final conclusion.
I realize why time is hard thing to grasp and manage. It is because it really is indifferent to any outcome.
Always moves forward.
Regardless of its surroundings.
It is does not exist to unite or divide.
It just goes.
I guess there is that “bright light” at the end. And it does shine. However, it does fade over time. Things do not go back to “what they were”. However, they do go back to “what they are”.
I did not realize how much I would have to “bury” over this last year and how much I got “buried” by in a hypothetical way. I am still trying to sort it all out to some small degree.
Moving forward in spite of it all.
Or trying to.
I started thinking about this concept the other night when I was working. I was listening to some music as I went about the things I have to do. (Details of which are not particularly exciting). I have been listening to the latest Nine Inch Nails album Hesitation Marks. I am not going to review the album as whole here. Other than to say, I like albums constructed around particular themes and visions with songs working together in a way. Something that makes you want to start at the beginning and go to the end. This is the first song I heard from the album because it was featured in another podcast.
Later, that night I just put the player on random then I heard this song. It is opposite in sound from the previous one. That is for sure. However, the song reflects and idea of moving forward despite the circumstances. I also like how different artists take a different approach to the same theme of a song.
It contains one of the truest lines.
“I wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then”.
But then how would a person gain any sense of wisdom?
The next song came to mind. It is hard to believe that it is about 20 years old now. I am beginning to recognize why music can be a “time stamp” to people.
This song I feel is in a way about how we will assign meaning. It is arbitrary. And yet at the same time significant.
But why do the “thoughts” always have to come when you are trying to sleep?
Final song.
I have to stop or I could go on for several more.
Imagine being in one of the biggest groups that ever imploded. And it imploded into something that is really not that recognizable anymore. You have to then pick up the pieces from there and go forward. Duff Mckagan’s intro this song is about “not taking more credit than one honestly deserves”.
“It is what it is.”
And I keep repeating that.
For about year.
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