You think I want to be this guy? You think I want to be the guy who flips out about the fucking tables? I don’t. O.K. ? This isn’t who I am. This is who I became. Alright? I’m working through this shit.
Bill Burr – Learning to Fix Shit
From You People are All the Same (2012)
There is a “cause and effect” that most of the people in my life refuse to acknowledge.
I am not a “morning person”. Lately, it has gotten worse. There is a person in my neighborhood who puts their dog out at about 5:30AM and the little fucker barks and yaps. 7AM when I am leaving for work it is still yapping away. Yet, I am the “evil” person because all I can think about is how nice it would be to be a football punter. And see how many yards that dog can go. And with how much “hang time”.
I am also at the point where I hate explaining the “parameters” of my life.
“Please. Can it wait until I have just 8 ounces of coffee? Is that too much to ask for a small amount?” And apparently it is.
I really hate explaining things to people just to get a “blank stare” in return. Or if I am lucky a two word response, “That’s nice.” Which is really more about “being dismissed” really.
There is what I need from people. And there is what I am going to actually get. The “chasm” between the two is growing. Time is becoming a harsh master. Things grow together. However, more things are growing apart with time.
Showing up to be “seen and not heard” is a good reason not to burn the fuel needed to make the trip. Especially with today’s gas prices. And by the way, God had such a sense of humor he put all the oil fields in the places that have the “craziest” people.
Over the last year, I have been trying to do daily “brain games” at Lumosity while on my morning break. And by the way, NO MORE CANDY CRUSH GAME REQUESTS because they can go right up your Farmville. Before each session, I have to answer a question about my “mood” and how much sleep I got the night before. Like the two are directly related. It should ask about the other things that happened to me before I start this test.
Did you get enough coffee?
How many times did iTunes stop downloading your daily podcasts?
What was difference between last night’s weather forecast and the actual weather you had to experience in the morning? (During the winter) How much snow were you prepared to shovel? How much did you really have to shovel?
(Buffalo NY area) Did you drive the 33 into work? Did you get stuck behind the person doing 40 MPH? Did this start at Suffolk and go to Best St?
How many school buses did you have to stop for? Did you ask yourself how come the bus aide just can’t pick up that small child and chuck him in the bus?
Did your co-worker have another (in a growing list of) reason why he will not be in work (again) this day and/or week?
Can you figure out why Facebook news feed is now as random as the outcome of a slot machine?
Did you stop at a convenience store? Were you held up because the person in front of you could not decide which lottery (aka Idiot Tax) scratcher to buy?
Were you surprised that there was “unrest” in the Middle East?
Are you a Buffalo sports fan?
Does the phrase (and all of its weeping associated with it) “We have to do this for the children.” make you want to vomit?
Were you happy that the New York State Legislators voted to make yogurt “The Official State Snack”?
Get the point?
I am also tired of people who can determine the line “between reality and fiction”.
Which I will get to in a bit.
I know one the problems I have is I have relying too much on “take-out food”. It is the problem of being “just one” and a lot to do with limited time. It just something I have to work out.
It reminds me of this scene from the movie, Falling Down. A movie which if it was real would be quickly ended by today’s Social Media.
After watching, I know right now people (and they should be) concerned with guns in public settings. I get it. I am not going to start any 2nd Amendment arguments. However, I get what is happening in the scene. There is an allegory in the scene which is a bit “comical” if you think about. And I realize how premise is “exaggerated” to make a point.
First of all, I used to work in retail and I know the last person who should be given a “blank check” on always being “right” is the customer.
Fast food workers have been making news in this country for staging protests demanding $15 an hour for pay. I am sorry but Tough Shit on that if you want my vote. Your job does not involve a skill to depend on. It is there to get use to the idea and reality of working a shift while dealing with people. I have watched you at work. All you do is take pre-packaged food and cook it for all long as the timer is set. I am only there because I am in too much of a rush to operate a microwave. Yes, the job is robotic. And most likely you will be replaced by robots. Sooner than later. The job was never made to support a family. In fact, it is your duty to come up with the means to support a family. The job application did not ask you at all about your “family” other than who to contact if you are hurt or arrested.
And by the way there is a big difference between being “poor” and being “inconvenient” in the economy. I see the people claiming poverty on the news broadcast. I see a lot big flat screen TV’s, video game consoles, and not to mention all the tattoo work and body modifications that they paid for. I saw one once where there a woman claiming economic hardship yet she found money for fresh cut flowers throughout her house shown in the interview. The economy is never easy to deal with but it does come down to “choices” in the end.
Another thing. Anyone who claims “They will level the playfield for you and make it fair for all” is a FUCKING LIAR. It is not the “99% vs 1%” argument. In fact, it is more about the “willing vs the not willing”. And why is this happening. I am going to blame one source. Daytime Television. Not Prime Time Television that draw the attention for “censorship”. Daytime TV that is filled with non-stop ads from lawyers telling people they are basically “fucked” and they can get the money they “deserve”. The message being you will never be “good enough” to play the game. But I will get you money and take 30-40% of it. The worse people who claim to be looking out for you are the lawyers. All they get is money and nondisclosure agreements. How is that going to fix anything?
Wait I have to blame another thing. The 18-30 year old demographic is considered “prime” for advertisers. The irony is this is the group that for the most part has not established themselves economically to buy most of these products. If they even need them to begin with. It only fuels “envy”. Plus, most of the economy is based on two things. “Scaring Whitey” and making people feel “less than adequate”. “Absolute Necessity” as a basis would cut down on the commercials which are actually paying for TV shows. People get off “The Hamster Wheel”.
Back to fast food worker. If you get $15 an hour. Guess what. People will “shit” even harder on you. Especially come April 15th. Believe it or not. You will become even more “Indentured” to that job. If you can get enough hours.
Here is what I want from you if you get that pay. Prompt service. A smile even if you need to fake it. Correct change. And I never want hear any of you and your co-worker’s gossip. And that BURGER BETTER BE EXACTLY LIKE THE ONE IN THE PHOTO. Guaranteed.
Also you can charge 50 cents for another thimble of BBQ sauce. But I will pay you a dollar to “pull out”. It makes sense economically.
Future prediction
There will be a rise in case of diagnosed lung cancer based on current rhetoric. However, it will be found more often in the sphincter region. And the conversation with go like this:
Patient: “That’s impossible I’m not a smoker!”
Doctor: “You let someone convince “Life was going to fair”. Maybe?”
Patient: “That was the promise.”
Doctor: “They were blowing smoke up your ass. And you were wide open.”
I need to stop here because….
I also never realized how many of the “social ills” do not pertain to me.
And to end here with one of my favorite episodes of Ren and Stimpy.
All I wanted was an ice cream sandwich.
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