There has been a lot of yelling and screaming about illegal aliens coming to this country. Even Stephen Hawking chimed in on the matter. He stated that if aliens from another planet (the ones that are lot farther away than Mexico) came to Earth there would be a lot of problems. People would lose their shit on a level never seen on this planet. Not even on the Jerry Springer Show or political protest rally. Aliens would bring us even more problems such as violence and diseases. So this means the aliens are also watching CNN or Fox News. And they are thinking “Hey! That sounds like a place we would easily fit right into.” But we should listen to the warnings. And most likely we won’t. But we should take the time to listen even though Stephen Hawking’s “Speak and Spell” voice can be a bit creepy to listen too. However, it maybe the right sounding voice for this matter. Remember, E.T. hotwired a Speak and Spell to allow, “E.T. phone home.” I guess the Professor may have a better cell phone plan to call out of his network to reach the alien worlds. Hey, this Professor is better than the other one and his coconut radio. And that professor would be totally useless trying to fix the hole in the ship for space travel. Don’t call yourself a genius if fixing a hole is engineering beyond your abilities.

I am a member of generation that was raised on repeated viewing of Star Wars movies and weekly episodes of various incarnations of Star Trek. We have the idea that traveling through space could actually be a fun adventure. You can’t defeat the “Evil Galactic Empire” sitting on your own home planet. We also want to be having philosophical discussions of the role man vs. the “Prime Directive.”

My generation was also repeated watched the Sylvester Stallone‘s Rocky and Rambo movie series. (But we will not admit to it. But secretly when no one is watching we want to run the steps in Philly). So our mind have access to variety of images and speeches to rally us when the “odds are against us”. We have this deeply vague notion in the back of our psyche that we can machine gun our way through 12 rounds to achieve victory. So, BRING IT ON!

But we also live in a time where the culture is to sue over every minor injury. “You can’t cry over spilled milk.” But that never stopped a lawyer from filing suit. “Crying over hot coffee spilled in your lap after you distracted drove into a pothole” makes you able to have a payout from the McDonald’s corporation.

We talk a good game. Walking the line is something else all together. But like foreign policy. It does not stop us from acting out. We saw Aliens. We are cheering for a fight.

(The following is another example of how I failed to grasp my Catholic education. I cannot directly quote Scripture. But I can repeat quotes from Star Wars)

In the moment of challenge, remember the wisdom of Yoda. “Do or Do not. There is no try”

(Catholic education needs to invest in puppets and better special effects. It is just a suggestion. But you really need to capture an audience’s attention. Wait! That sounds like the premise behind a cult.)

The preceding message was to prove that God has a sense of humor. And if I am going to write things like that then my soul needs to have a disclaimer clause attached to it. And for those of you who think that God does not have a sense of humor. And find any attempt to point out God’s laugh factor to be sacrilegious. Do the following. Take a look in the mirror. And then take a look at the person you are with. Humor is a cruel lesson in life.

I am on this semi-religion kick after watching this season’s episodes of Lost. And I am trying to remember the story behind the names of Biblical and mythological characters they are referencing. And I am hoping to decode the story line of the show to see if I am going to right about the finale. The answer is…Probably not.

The headlines are filled once again with the usual suspects of crazy religious people running amuck in our world. It is funny they all preach that their “God” is one of peace. But somehow they seem to be caught with a shit load of guns and explosives. Then again I am willing to listen very carefully to anyone with a gun to my head. It does not seem like a good time to point out the flaws in their message of “peace”. But I think they are using the wrong word for “peace”. I looked up “peace” in the dictionary. The meaning of the word does not include .22, .45, .357, M-16, AK-47, etc. Check the spell checker. You may be thinking “Piece”.

God may exist in some other world as a single being. However, God on Earth with his many “only” spokespeople does not work per say. On Earth, with all of these people “God” comes off looking like a just another big bureaucracy. That means is there is lot of confusing and redundant paperwork. Ridiculously high fees. And the customer service call center is located in India too. I find it hard to believe I am talking to man named “Bob” there. God may have to consider downsizing his workforce here too. Everyone else is. So he will not look out of place. I must be crazier with that last thought. With all the religious wars being fought around the world. And I am thinking God needs to be even more competitive in the marketplace.

Here is my own personal prayer to God.

Please have a sense of humor. Please have a sense of humor. Please have a sense of humor. Please have a sense of humor. Please have a sense of humor. Please have a sense of humor.

If not. Please make it quick.

On a clear and starry night as you look up into the sky, you do begin to ponder your significance in this world. Are you part of something bigger than yourself? Or are you just a small speck that is easily overlooked? It is hard not to question your views on philosophy and religion. Nietzsche was right when he said, “As you stare into the abyss the abyss is staring back at you.”

What are you connected to? And all of the other questions related to it come to mind too. These thoughts have been racing through my head for a while now. I think they started about the time I received the announcement of my high school reunion. I made up an excuse and skipped it. High school seems to be “another time in a galaxy that is far away”. I was a quiet person in high school too. And most of the significant events in my life at the time took place outside of there. What do you have to really say to people who were not there for them? And of all the events in one’s life why are the high school years the one people want to reunite for? Maybe it is to say that you can be a survivor of post traumatic stress. The popular cultural take on high school is that it sucks. Just watch the movies about high school alone. Maybe high school reunion is to say time and space somehow changes the outcome. Who knows? And like any other tradition the one who started the idea of high school reunion should be treated as a “suspect”. There are events in your life best left to the past. Hindsight maybe 20/20. But do you really want to always be looking back?

I have also been listening to Roger Waters’ 1987 album Radio K.A.O.S. It is a concept album. It is the story of a handicap young man who has the ability to hear radio waves. He makes friends with a radio DJ and tries to reach out to the world. In the end, he hacks into the military computers and fakes the world that all the nuclear bombs have been launched all at once. Can’t you tell the 80′s foreign policy was an influence on this album? I would link to the songs but it is better to listen to this album as a whole. It reminds me of a time when people did tune into a radio to hear music and talk to the DJ between songs. Radio used to have a community sense to it. Today, for the most part it is just repetitive and overly argumentative programming.

I am not sure if there is anything we will tune into en masse every again. Sadly, it will be a horrific, mass tragedy. I am beginning to think that the Super Information Highway is becoming like the car drive on a normal highway. The only time we slow down to notice anyone else is at the scene of an accident. And even fewer stop to actually help someone out. There is a lot of information available on the Internet but the only sites that seem to get a lot of traffic are the ones showing someone who failed in a spectacular way. But I will admit it is really entertaining.

Mass communication is miraculous accomplishment when you think of the speed and the scale in which it is happening. However, there may be an overload of output sources. How many e-mail addresses, phone numbers, Twitters, Facebook accounts are effective to have in the end? Remember there was a time that when the phrase “Googling yourself” was code for masturbation. Now you are actually cross checking how you are referenced on the Web. And chances are you are still being called a “jack off”. Nothing really changes that much. Just the terminology has.

Everyone is running around trying to find that “voice” that speaks for them. They are trying to find their own channel out there. Tuning in. Tuning out. A mouse click is same as channel surfing the dial.

Social networks are the rage. But are they making anyone feel closer? I think the Newton’s Laws of Motion really applies to the nature of human relations when it is all broken down.

I am going to admit that I do like checking Facebook updates. I have learned more about what some of my friends are doing in the last year. Quantity is up. But the quality is about the same. I do not want that to seem like a necessarily bad thing. It is what is. People are as opened or as closed on the Internet as they are in real life. The idea that people recreate themselves in cyberspace seems a bit flawed. However, I do not play Mafia Wars, World of War Craft, or Second Life online so my research is a bit lacking on the topic.

I also watched the movie Crash again. It is a story about how people are connected in ways they are not even aware of.

I think this movie got me thinking again about how and why people are connected or not.

I have to admit to take some time now and then to scan who know who on Facebook. It is kind of funny who really knows who. There is a dark side at times to this. It includes free time, a couple of beverages and the search engine. And trying to figure out how the people you know came together and a part. And the cycle continues like it always does. It reminds me of lesson from a human communications class I took. It is the concept of relationship maintenance. Our intentions may be well placed however we only have the ability to hold meaningful relations with a small fraction of the people we know. There is no tool that can expand that ability. But still we want to know more people anyways. This is why we have unlimited calling plans on our phones. It the end, we are spinning around this universe in some way. This is why we need insurance. We are going to crash in some fashion. One way or another.
Now it is time to cue up the music.

This posting has been influenced by personal experience with Facebook postings. It has also been influenced by the podcast Keith and the Girl. I listen to it every morning at work. It is one of the best produced podcast out there on the Internet. It is explicit, rude and sometimes can get very socially unacceptable. The truth is that it is very funny, more importantly it is very honest. If you can handle it you should become a fan too. The host Keith is very critical of social websites. People are complaining that MySpace is too childish. So they are going to Facebook to escape it. Yet on Facebook people are constantly sending fake drinks, foods and other nonexistent gifts. (Sounds childish?) As Keith says, “Someone sent me a picture of a Mahito drink…O.K….What the fuck am I suppose to do it with it now? …How about sending me a real drink? …Asshole.” I get the same things sent to me by well meaning friends. Friends I feel have too much free time. I know. It is the thought that counts. So I am now going to send those photos of foods on to websites for starving children in Third World countries. The thought should make them feel better. I am such a humanitarian. But somehow you are going to be confused and think that I am the asshole. I guess it is all about the context.

The other thing is I get a lot of postings of the results of friends’ online pop psychology quizzes. Guess which 80′s movie I am. Guess which food I am. Guess which cartoon character I am. My top 5 books, movies, TV shows, etc. And the list goes on and on. And so does the listings on my Facebook Wall. I guess they can be fun. I feel out of courtesy you should maybe do only ONE a day. Better yet one a week. How about setting a specific page where it is the only place where the results are posted. There have been a lot of news reports on how people are not getting the jobs they want because of what they post on their Facebook accounts. The potential employer sees a photo of a guy in his college days doing a beer bong. Who didn’t do ones of those in college? The photo of a female during spring break is seen “popping her hood” to win a t-shirt. Doesn’t that seem ironic? However, I do not think that is the problem employers are having is they see the page from a person who is telling them they are a “hard worker”. However, the same person posted over a dozen results from various pop psychology quizzes. The employer is seeing a person with a lot of free time on their hands. And this person may have the potential to go “gun waving crazy in the break room” if they take these quizzes and their answers seriously.

Pop culture is something we cannot escape. No matter what we think. We are neither above it nor below it. We are right in the middle of it. However, our relationship to any specific aspect of pop culture is constantly changing. Our experiences with it changes. Also what we need from it changes. It has some sense of relevance unless it has been organized into some type of “retro night”. Please whenever possible avoid them. I guess everybody goes through phases where they need to do some sort of analysis on themselves. They need to take some sort of barometric reading on the state of their circumstances. They more tests there are the more dissection of themselves. And all of these dissections will provide more foundation for a valid answer whatever it maybe. I think people take these tests and want to steer each question to a specific answer. Once again the relevance is based more on the desired outcome. People want more of the illusion rather than the cold hard facts. Everyone wants to be reaffirmed about how they perceive themselves. Take this example. Here is the test. What would your stripper name be? I am going to guess it is going to be exotic and unusual. As a stripper name should be. We do not want reality because it does not work. No one is paying for a stripper named “Low Self Esteem”, “Coke Whore” or “Daddy Issues”. We want the illusion. However, we just cannot say it directly. So we call it advertising. I am guessing if you take more than a few of these types of tests then you are looking for a bigger answer than these tests will provide.

 I am not above this need to dissect my own psyche. If I was above it then I would not be writing a blog. I am always dissected myself. As being some type of writer I am always looking out at the world and culture and making judgment calls about it. I just don’t take multiple guess quizzes trying to determine an answer to what I see. I get the “prompt” in other words the “question”. And from there I attempt to find the answer. Remember those tests are created by others. And your answers are irrelevant in the scheme of things.

That all being said.

I am still not above all of it, the analysis, dissection and worse of all the nostalgia.
Which 80′s movie represents you? (In this case. Me.)

Given my age the answer should probably be a John Hughes movie. Like the Breakfast Club. How cliché. Or maybe it is The Outsiders.

I heard this song on my MP3 player. It comes from a movie soundtrack I had loaded on it.

MUSIC: Concrete Blonde (covering Leonard Cohen)


 

It is amazing that in a sad way that this song still has relevance to the time. This version is from the soundtrack for the movie Pump Up the Volume. (It was also the first movie in which I bought the soundtrack for. And after this movie, I also pay attention to how the soundtrack is assembled.) This movie is the story about a teenager who becomes underground hero/spokesperson on a pirate radio station. Christian Slater plays a quiet kid who is socially awkward and trying to find his place in a new school. He creates this persona called “Happy Harry Hard-on”. Every night, he broadcasts through the community on his pirate radio station. The technology may have changed over the last twenty years. However, the method and desire are the same. People create screen names and post blogs and podcasts using created persona names. Everyone has an opinion and an insight they know if they put their real face on will lead to a lot of trouble.

Here is a clip.

I also know the movie was released in 1990. I was never good a math so give a little slack here.

This movie also turned me on to the Lenny Bruce autobiography How to Talk Dirty and Influence People.

 To end.

I wish one day pop culture would embrace my writings in mass so I can officially quit my day job. It is not selling out. It is selling to.

But I will compromise on this matter of pop culture tests. If there is a test for “Which type of turd are you?” I will take it.

Happy?

I need to read books about the human condition and its nature. It helps me to flesh out better characters for my writing. The thing I have been coming to realize more and more is that people are strange interlocking of positive and negative traits and actions. The essence of a good character is that the person has strengths balanced on flaws. It is also why many of our public figures intriguing and annoying at the same time.

The other thing is that I have amassed a wide range of books over the years. Once again, let me say I am not trying to show off my intellect. I am just trying to reveal the works that have gone into my own. The one type of book I try to avoid is any that would be considered a textbook. Here is a warning. If you ever walk into a person’s office and all he has on his bookshelves is textbooks you should run away. One way to save money on education is to throw away all the textbooks. I was once a professional student. I had to buy a lot of textbooks. There is maybe 2-5 of them I still have for reference. They are for the most part useless. The only reason people write textbooks is to impress other idiots who write them too. I have a conspiracy theory about textbooks too. The textbook industry is secretly being funded by bed makers and chiropractors. If you read one you will need a place to sleep and you will eventually need a spinal realignment from hauling them around. One more comment on education. I have been around long enough to realize people have always been complaining about how we DO NOT spend on education. It is never enough. The reason is society on a whole really does not value education. We do not put enough effort into it at the beginning and we then overprice it at the end.

I want to point out a book that I have just read that has made me look at people and their actions different. It had the same effect on me as the book Freakonomics did on me. The book is Blunder: Why Smart People Make Bad Decisions by Zachary Shore. It is about how people fall into various cognitive traps. I have two quotes from this book I want to point out.”…Expertise is a very good thing, but it is not the same thing as sound judgment regarding strategy and policy.” The other quote is, “History is an unforgiving laboratory. Its experiments can be only run once, and never again under precisely the same conditions.” They are both good reminders for our times. Just remember that ever crisis throughout history has had an “expert” in charge when it was happening. The captain of the Titanic had 30 years of experience.

We are flawed and we find extraordinary ways to fail.

This week, I learned that an idiot used the 911 system for customer service complaints.

I know our present economy is more of a challenge than a crisis for most of the people in this country. I also know the entire economy will never turn around based on my personal spending. In fact, my personal finances make me seem insignificant on a whole based on macro economics. It almost led me to have a personal existential identity crisis. I can only go forward regardless. The economics of today were the results of many, many years of various policies. One stimulus bill put together in a couple of weeks is not going to undo things in the matter of weeks. Economies take a lot of time to adjust. I am not sure where I heard this from. There is an old cavalry quote, “When in doubt…gallop.” And guess what a lot of horses leave behind.

The world is hard to comprehend. People create fiction whether it is a book or movie so they can make sense of our present world. An example I think is the movie Gladiator has more to say about American politics than it does the Roman Empire. I was trying to think about a character that embodies our fear of the future and the confusion of our present moment.

This is the character and the situation that I think that represents American society today. Play the clip. (It was the best example I could find. Quality was a distant second.)


 

Godzilla was a creature created by the atomic bomb. (The mistake of our past) It come back to reap destruction on man. Godzilla represents the future because it is big and scary. It is also an unknown force. And nobody knows if in any sense of reality its existence is inevitable. The future is basically the unknown monster. In the movies, no one knows how to really how to deal with it. The population runs around in mass panic. No one has a good plan of action. Sound familiar? Watch the evening news. They are basically broadcasting a “monster movie”. And being able to “Beat the monsters” does not make for good evening news. News outlets need to sell the problem not the answer. It is also the mantra behind any political campaign.

Somehow, knowing all of this (I think) I will try to be a bit more optimistic.

Maybe there is an “innocent” than can beat the “monster”. Like possibly Bambi.


 

I now have to re-read Victor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning.

I just wish someone could express the purpose to all of this.

My friend Mike sent me a link to a site called Mindmeister. It is a site for mapping out one’s mind. I really have not had the time to really delve into the site. He said it would be a good way to organize my thoughts in regards to my writing. It may be true and I might do it. However, I am a little suspicious of his motivation. I think he is just trying to “build the case against me”. And he just does not have the time to do the investigative work himself. If the state is going to prosecute you they have to do some “legwork” first. They do not have the ability to just have you fill out a survey so they can prosecute for your answers. It does not work like that in the court system. The tax system is another story.

Let me attempt a try at giving you an explanation of how my mind may work. I am by nature a curious person. This led me to a lot of trouble in my early education years. It also was scarred by being in a Catholic school. We were always being told that we had to have something to read or do quietly whenever we finished our class work. I was always in trouble for what I brought to school to read. Comic books, MAD magazine, etc. I was never told “Why” they were bad. If you are not going to explain “why” then you will never be able to satisfy a curious person. In fact, over time your lack of explanation feeds a rebellious tendency in that person. The answer, “Because I said so!” is the response of a person on seriously out of control personal power trip. For those of you who have been known to play a drinking game from time to time. It is the basis of the drinking game called Asshole. It does not require skill. It is more about having an arbitrary position.

I have a visual mind and usually see things through images. This is why I failed at math throughout my school years. I do not see “numbers” as an example. I can look at pictures and assemble things from them. This is one of my mom’s favorite stories about me when I was about two years old. I was a quiet kid who did not speak a lot. I could build things though. I used the color patterns on the rug in the dining room to build “roads” for my Matchbox and Hot Wheels cars. My grandparents bought me a big can of Tinker Toys. This was a toy you build things with using various sticks and connectors. I now feel old when I realize my toys as a child required as a goal that I put them together myself. This does not seem to be as true now days. Tinker Toys came with a small booklet of things you can build with the various sticks and connectors. So for the next week or so I sat down and built them all. I just looked at the picture and then the pieces. And from there I put them together. The instructions started with simple things and progressed to more complicated ones which required all of the pieces. I eventually worked up to those. I built the most complicated one and showed it off to my mom. She looked at it and thought that I had not put it together right. I looked her and without saying a word showed her the picture in the instruction book. She studied it and realized that I indeed had assembled correctly.

I will now lay blame to biggest influence on my childhood imagination. The first time I ever saw a movie that felt that it looked like the imagination in my head was Star Wars. I remember just sitting glued into my seat at the movie theater. It caught my imagination hard. A few months later, when the toys were coming out I was completely into it. I would go to school and just draw out Star Wars pictures and the after school go home and act out the scenes with my toy action figures. I would come up with new stories every time I would get a new figure. In fact, I bought certain ones based on the ideas of which stories I wanted to tell next. The problem was in second grade I would rather draw the stories then do my real school work. I would be constantly yelled and told such use of my time was a waste. I also discovered comic books. I like that I could see how images and words worked together. And this is why films fascinate me. But I could never successfully explain to my teacher why it was not a waste of time. That is called back talking. I had quite a few walks to the principal’s office. My footprints will be forever etched into that floor. However, I realize that the teacher had no imagination (most of them do not anyways). Those who can’t…teach. I still read Star Wars novels and watch the movies because I am still discovering things about them. It is a very dense story. There are many facets to it. I wish when I was kid there was Wookieepedia. I read the book about a decade ago called Star Wars: The Magic of Myth by Mary Henderson. It is about the elements that make up the story of Star Wars itself. It kept referencing the book The Hero with a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell. He explores how man has been writing and rewriting the same story since man was able to write. This is how it works for me. I find something that fuels my imagination and then I want more information about it.

I am trying to become a better writer. And that will be the goal until the end. Stephen King in his book On Writing said, “If you do not have the time to read. Then you do not have the time to write. Because you do not have the tools to write.” Here is another example of the mind in action. I like a good story. I like the story even better if there is strong character development. This is why I enjoy the Spenser series from author Robert Parker. It was the influence behind the Spenser: For Hire TV series. He has strong characters and he does not get caught up in using many words to tell the story. Spenser is man who no matter what will solve the case even when he is told to stay away. he has principals and a belief in them. Author Stephen Hunter created the character of Bobby Lee Swagger that he used in several of his novels. Swagger is a former army sniper who gets caught in situation that fall into the category of “right man at the wrong time”. I just read his latest appearance in the novel The 47^th Samurai. I will not go into the plot details. I just want to point out how I find things that make me curious and I want find out more. In the book, Swagger studies Japanese samurai culture by watching that genre of films. So now a few of those titles  such as Twilight Samurai, The 47 Ronin and When the Last Sword is Drawn will go into the Netflix queue. There was also the mention of a book entitled The Nobility of Failure. And I am trying to locate a copy to read. I think it could provide some enlightenment for some other thoughts in my head.

This is how it works in a nutshell. I find a good story. I then try to find some details about elements that went into story. And from there I want to see how it all contributed to final “assembly” of the story. On top of it all, westerns, kung fu and samurai films are the ones that seem to be grabbing my attention at the moment. So you have been warned.

I know most people will not read a book or watch a movie that I mentioned. It would take some effort on their part. We are in a world where knowledge seems to be condensed into quick sound bites. And this is not what I am about. I know most people want to be told what to read or see. They do not want to empower themselves with a sense of discovery. They base their quest for knowledge more on what they know rather than what they do not know. I know I will never get to control the “remote” for the masses nor do I want to. I know I do get choose the station, book, movie or the event. So be it. I like how I am trying to discover things. Speaking of which. Last year, I went on a few ghost hunts. You can believe it or not. I did see and hear things. However, as is very common in such situations the evidence did not show up on film. But my X-Files Quest will continue. Does anyone out there know of a good area in the Northeast United States for a UFO hunt?

In the end, I am just attempting to layout a map. But to be truthful, I am not sure how the map works all the time. If I did then I am afraid it will ruin all of the magic.

This is another posting where I am trying to write out notes that have been on my notepad and in my head over the last few months. The most important thing is that I have to make time no matter what to write. It has not been easy.

The Western movie genre is one that reflects the American culture over the last century. Although quite a few Western movies were remakes of Japanese samurai movies. Two examples were the films from Japanese director Akira Kurosawa. The Seven Samurai became The Magnificent Seven. Yojimbo was remade as A Fistful of Dollars, the movie that started the Clint Eastwood “spaghetti westerns” trilogy. Interesting side note the movie starred an American actor, directed by an Italian, and financed by German investors. I think what makes the Western an intriguing genre is the story is essentially a question of “moral” action. It is usually about the lone man who is battling his circumstances. These movies use scenes of a harsh weather environment as the background to the story. Another reason why this genre continues to endure is because these movies have men who for “good or bad” live by a personal code of conduct. These are men of their word. And they are willing to do what it takes to survive. These films lead the viewer to some form of escapism. It is a chance to watch what they long for in their own lives.

Here a few Western Movies I like that reflect this idea of my mine. But I am sure many have had the same thought out there.

Unforgiven: Clint Eastwood takes a revisionist look at the Westerns he helped to make popular. This film questions the idea of what does it take to really shoot a man.

The Wild Bunch: William Holden is the leader of gang of bank robbers who is becoming aware that the ways of the West are coming to end in early 1900′s America.

High Noon: The Gray Cooper classic of man who has to take a stand for a town not willing to do it for itself. I read once that this film is the one that is screened the most at the White House.

3:10 to Yuma: Both versions. The 1957 and 2007 releases. They both are about what a man is willing to take on in hard times in order to provide for his family.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid: It may not really fit into my idea. However, it is really is just an entertaining Western to watch. Paul Newman was just wonderful in this movie. He was a man of action and had a sense of humor. Like in this scene.

There was another film that really defines my premise entitled The Proposition. If you like the Western genre then this movie should be in your NetFlix queue. This film is not set in America but in the Outbacks of late 1800′s Australia. This movie does fit into American Western genre. The screenplay for this movie was written by singer Nick Cave. I know most people will not immediately recognize his name. His song Red Right Hand was featured in all of the Scream movies and The X-Files. Personally, I am a big fan of his song The Mercy Seat. His songs are mini stories within themselves. His songs are about damnation and salvation. He uses Biblical ideas in many of songs. The Proposition is basically an updated retelling of Cain and Able to even more extremes. In this movie, Charlie Burns (Guy Pierce) who is a wanted criminal must save his younger criminal brother from the gallows’ pole. However, in order to do this he must hunt down and kill his older psychopathic brother. This movie is very harsh and violent at times to watch. I think every now and then you should watch a film that challenges your own sensibilities. It is healthy. Here is the trailer for the film.

There is another example of a man vs. his environment. However, this time it is neither a Western nor even a movie. It is also an odd choice given my current mental state to read. It is a book titled The Road by Cormac McCarthy. The story is set in a post-apocalyptic America. (It is never explained how America came to be this) In this story, a man and his son are traveling a road trying to find a better place. The post-apocalyptic state is also another genre that seems to be popular from time to time. Watch the Mad Max trilogy. I think it is popular background to stories for man is basically reduced to his primitive elements. Survival is crucial and man does not have all of his extra items available in order to do it. It is about what a man is willing to do survive. Life is reduced to the essentials. It is about what a man is willing to endure in order to survive. I think that this genre attracts people because deep down they want to read or hear stories in which no matter what happens in the end “Hope” survives.

Now how did I come to the movie and this book? The Proposition was directed by John Hillcoat who directed the upcoming movie adaptation of the book The Road. The movie should be out sometime this year. This movie has had its released date changed several times. I think the film studio behind this is having a hard time trying to find the right time to market. I say just release it already. A good story will eventually find an audience. And keep finding one.

And also read Nick Cave’s book And the Ass Saw the Angel.

The last few days brought some really, really cold air to area. It was the cold that just runs right through you. It kind of fueled my already low mood. As Shakespeare might say “Now is the winter of discontent…” And the book The Winter of Our Discontent by John Steinbeck is on my “to read” list.

I also had yet another repair to do last week. The windshield of my truck cracked. Last summer, a truck kicked a stone and put a small chip in my windshield. Two weeks ago that chip became a ¼ crack. And driving to work last Wednesday morning the crack grew right across the windshield as I was driving about 60 MPH. I want to make the commute to work just once without having to say the phrase “What the Fuck?!” This was just the latest in series of breakdowns I have been experiencing over the last 2-3 months. I am completely drained of energy right now. And I learned another item a couple of days ago (which I will not mention because the circumstances are not completely my own to talk about) that I am hoping will resolve itself. However, the only approach that can be taken is “wait and see”.

I have also been having major problems staying focused and resolved on my writing. Every time that I resolve myself to spend time just doing nothing but writing it seems a “problem” comes that needs to be addressed immediately. It also happens every time I also resolve to clean the apartment too. There seems to be some unknown force in my life that wants to “clutch defeat from the jaws of victory”. There are many days in which I come home with low energy and doing something I enjoy would be a good idea. I.E. writing. However, I fear that dreaded problem phone call. I do not want to get defeated. And I end up just “vegging out”. Surprise! This method does not work well either. But I need a “cease fire” and to a chance to work out what I already need to work on. I do not want to get crushed yet again by interruptions.

It is hard to explain to people about my writing. It is an internal manifestation for me. People I think may try to understand it stand it if there was external cause for my writing. They would understand it if the writing was done as an assignment. Many people also need to see something external like a pay stub. It seems like there needs to be something hanging on the wall in order for them to acknowledge it. I think they feel there has to be something external in order for them to feel it is validated. Acknowledgment and validation has been a struggle for me to achieve. I am always looking at my blog stats to see what is being read. My web host logs, Word Press stats, Googling myself and other sites all give a different report of what is being clicked on. I heard an author once say that such tools were invented to torture writers. And they do.

I heard an interview on the radio the other day with comedian Robert Schimmel. He was talking about how he made through some tough personal times over the last few years. This is what he said that caught my attention. “When people start dictating their definition to you and if you do not live up to that then you are not successful. Then you need to come up with your own definition of success.” I come from a family and also have friends who seem to imply that success is being “married with children”. I am not married. But I do have a “child” in a sense. What is a child? A child is something that you create that is something that is bigger than yourself. It is a love-hate relationship. But you want it to grow and will do anything for the “child”. My “child” is my writing. I wish I could find a way to show this point better to others. But there will always be “the loneliness of the long distance runner” when it comes to being a writer.

Remember even Hitler’s father had “The World’s Greatest Dad” coffee mug in the cupboard. Think about that.

I heard once that you know you are in the right profession when you are willing to do it for free. That maybe true but this logic does not work when I have to pay the web hosting fee.

I have also watched a couple of movies this week that also seem to fit into this concept of struggle. What can I say? If I am going to “veg” I might as well be watching some movies. They were both fight movies. One was martial arts and the other was a boxing movie. I think this movies fighting is used more as metaphor for the struggle within. The first was Redbelt, the latest film from David Mamet. I like his writing because he is willing to push boundaries. I like his works because it is about people struggling within their own circumstances. Read his work Glengarry Glen Ross. The other movie was Rocky Balboa. It was sixth movie in the series and the best one along with the original. The character of Rocky is one of the best film characters. I know the series had a lot of ups and downs. I know this character has been the subject of parody over the years. But you need a good character in order to have good parody. A bad character will just be lampooned. And there is a difference between parody and lampoon. Rocky talking to his son says, “Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me or nobody is going to hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit, it is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much can you take and keep moving forward.” This quote best sums up the story line for the movie. It think why the character is still relevant today is because it is about a person who just wants a chance to compete. To compete whether or not it ends up being a “win” or even a “lost”. And run those Rocky Steps.

And I want to leave with a laugh. This clip is kind of a metaphor on my current status courtesy of Ren & Stimpy.


 

Finally, I am looking for help painting two vacant apartments next weekend. The quicker I get it done the sooner I can get back to writing.

I have a co-worker who leaves his hunting magazines around the warehouse in where I “work”. And I was bored like usual so I was paging through one the other day. Outdoor Life magazine announced their 2008 Editors’ Choice for “Ammunition of the Year”. This was the first line to the article. I did not make this up. It said, “No gun is better than its load. That’s what does the job.” I then looked at the cover to make sure I was not reading Penthouse Forums. I am just pointing this out for I now have a new approach for this year. Hopefully the line works.

Yesterday, I was in a local home improvement store. I could not believe it. They were closing out the winter items and putting in the spring items. It is January 10^th in Buffalo, New York. Winter does not usually end until the annual St Patrick’s Day in March. We have two more months of winter here roughly. And we will need things to deal with it. Like say rock salt. I had to buy if I wanted to make sure I have it. Sadly, it probably will not be enough. But I will not be able to buy it. However, lawn furniture will be available for purchase though. Here is a clue. I do not think about lawn furniture in January because I cannot see my lawn. There is 2-3 feet of SNOW on top of it! Here is another observation. The economy of this country may be slowing down because stores are not stocking the items we need for the season we need it for.

The other thing happened to me today in a store. I was behind a woman who thought she was the only person who existed and she had issues with everything. She was draining the life force out from the place. And there was not that much of it to begin within there. All I could think was that I found the woman who was the inspiration for the term “bitch slap”. I am not advocating violence. But you have to admit that there are indeed people who have it coming to them.

On now with the post. And I have a lot of things to say in this one.

Henry Rollins re-issued his 1991 album Live @ McCabe’s. It is hard to believe I bought that album when it came out. It was and still is a very influential album for me. This is a “spoken word” album where he is not playing any music. It is not stand up comedy per say but there are funny moments. There are also parts that are hard to hear him talk about. It is about the story and trying to come to some insight. It is something to that inspired me to combine that drama with laughter. I am not sure it has always come off in my writings. But I that is what I am trying for. And the experiment continues.

 Trying to find to find some insight to an awkward situation.

I was watching Magnum Force last week. The film ends with another famous Dirty Harry quote. Watch. (Sorry I could not embed this clip)

 Yes! A man needs to know his limitations. Too many times that knowledge comes the hard way.

Like many out there I planned some resolutions for the New Year. And now I feel like the Lloyd Bridges character in the classic movie Airplane! who picked the “wrong week”

I wanted to start the year off with an effort to curtail some of my many vices. Vices that will go unnamed at this point in time. It is a bit frustrating. Not that I believe in such things but I was reading my horoscope in a local freebie paper. It said that I should, “Add some compassionate sarcasm and loving satire into the mix, and you will generate lots of sweet karma”. What is that supposed to mean? I do not have a clue. I want to talk about an event in my life that forced major change but I cannot. Simply because “whatever you say can be used against you in a court of law”. I have a situation which most likely has to be resolved by the court system. It has been a frustration beyond frustration for me. It changed my economics drastically and quickly. But back to the horoscope for a moment. The industrial complex where my job is located was sponsoring a blood drive. And I wanted to call to say I have some “donors” for them. But I was informed that I could not “donate” other people’s blood for them. It is a crime. I said it would be easy for them because all they would have to do is hold a bucket under where I punched these “donors” in the head. I do not think that this is “compassionate sarcasm” that “karma” was looking for. But I am curious to know how many punches it takes to get a pint. We know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop!

I seem to have to a lot of crap to deal with over the last 2-3 weeks. But I listened to an interesting talk about poop though last week. (Episode 874) I know have a lot of crap because a few days before Christmas my sewer line backed up. Talk about getting a lump of coal in the stocking. But I found it to be a religious experience. I prayed all night for the sewer not to back up and out of the sump pump hole. And my prayers were answered. Just wished it did not cost me what it ended up costing. Prayers answered so I had to put money in the collection basket. I maybe a five time lapped Catholic but it all came back to me.

And speaking of breaking down my MP3 player volume control broke on me. (And not to mention the small crack in my truck’s windshield that is slowly growing.) I had to replace it with a new one even with my current tight economics at the moment. Having a MP3 player helps make the work day move along and saves me from having to listen to a lot of useless conversations. Podcasts have helped me to learn a lot over the last year. It makes me feel productive. It is also bigger so I can listen to more things. It also plays videos. I need to find out if there is a way to convert DVD’s to watch on it. I am not sure. But with all that I need to do this can wait a bit. But if you know how it can be done please e-mail me. It may save me some time and frustration. I am short on the first one and abundant on the other at the moment.

I found also found an interesting music podcast called HamRadio. It features a very eclectic listing of music. I like that it not the same music over and over which seem to be the format to most radio stations these days. There is nothing new to radio and that maybe why people are abandoning it for podcasts. Radio is too afraid to challenge their audience. Repeating the same songs over and over is boring. No one wants to spend time being bored. If you like interesting playlists check out Harmony in My Head
or Roots Rock Radio.

But HamRadio turned me on this song for this posting.

MUSIC: Chemical Brothers

I think the hardest part is the situation caused my economic shift rippled through other things. There are a few things that I wanted to do that I have had to put on hold and may even have to cancel for this year. It is January and I am already sounding like a Buffalo Bills fan. “Maybe next year will be better?”

There is part to letting people in. However, if things do not look right it is hard to share. I know my website could and should look better. I was going to hire a web developer to get the website into shape. I know I should learn for myself and someday I might. But my job is to write and create. Web developer job is to format site. I can only cover so much ground. And I have to learn to stop trying to cover all the ground on my own. There are lessons to learn. But I have to find people out there who are willing to be teachers even partners in the process. In other words, I need more doers than talkers. And that is the opposite purpose of talk radio.

I also wanted to get a video camera because I miss working with one. So the digital camera will have to do for now but I wish it had a better zoom lens. Beggars cannot be choosers. Unless you are the automotive or banking industry. So I need to figure how to put four wheels on my problem or convince someone that my change jar is indeed a bank. I need to be really creative here. But here is to hoping for federal emergency funding.

Something happen to me at the end of last November. It became official. I achieved something that I thought would happen later in life. I became “Too old for this shit”. It lead to my latest bathroom reading book entitled Rules for Aging: A Wry and Witty Guide to Life By Roger Rosenblatt. It was a Christmas gift from my aunt. But I am stuck at the moment attempting to read Chapter 3 called “Let Bad Enough Alone”. So I am going to have to increase the fiber in my diet to focus on reading the book. And she also gave me the book The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook by Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht. But I am pretty sure in the short term I am not going to need to how to deal with escaping quicksand, how to wrestle free from an alligator or knowing what to do if my parachute failed. Call me optimistic. But I am still crossing my fingers. Just to be safe.

I want to leave with posting my playlist.

Simon and Garfunkel-Sounds of Silence. I may come off a quiet person in person but I do not deal well with silence. But this does not mean I want to be subjected to constant chatter. Especially when I am trying to watch a movie.

Husker Du-What’s Going On?

Tom Waits-Hold On. For two lyrics. “You live it up you won’t live it down.” And “You don’t meet good girls in coffee shops”.

Black Label Society-The Blessed Hell Ride

The Headstones-Three Angels. “The problem with living is when you get there you’re seldom forgiven”.

Soundgarden-Room a Thousand Years Wide

A Perfect Circle- The Noose, Disconnect. Just listen to their The Thirteenth Step album.

Tim Wilson-One Idiot Away. Had to throw in a song for a laugh.

Screaming Trees- Dollar Bill. Sometimes you just come up short.

Tres-Writing on the Wall

Mr. Bungle-Chemical Marriage. Sometimes a nonsensical song just simply works.

Bruce Springsteen-Dead Man Walking. “Between our dreams and our actions lies this world.”

Our Lady Peace-One Man Army from the album Happiness is a Fish You Can’t Catch

Neil Diamond-If I Don’t See You Again.

Quiet Riot-Metal Health. Had to end with 80′s retro classic

Finally, let me end here. There is an old adage that says, “It is always darkest before the dawn”.

That may be true. But you have to know where the horizon is so you can be looking the right way.

And here is to putting more mileage on the grindstone.

I just finished reading Denis Leary’s new book, Why We Suck: A Feel Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy and Stupid. And I just watched the following clip of his to attempt to get into the “mood” of the season. And right now I have more than enough “mood” to go around.

I try to keep perspective of myself. And it is not always an easy exercise. I know that people out there have more issues and problems than I do. I also remember the lesson that “You should not judge a person until you walk a mile in their shoes”. True. But I can only write about the journey of “my shoes”. I like to take walks in the woods from time to time. I like taking photos of what catches my eyes. Like the picture here. I also leave the MP3 player at home. These walks from time to time help when I get caught way too much within my own “head space”. But right now they are not working all that well. I need to do things that give me a moment to attempt to be outside of myself.

MUSIC: Gnarls Barkley (This song comes from their amazing St. Elsewhere album)

I am also trying to come to terms with being a Buffalo Bills fan. I am becoming aware that being one maybe causing “a disturbance in my force”. The Bills will break your heart in more than one way it seems. I am more of aware of this after last weekend’s lost to the New York Jets by way of last minute fumble. The Bills this year seem to be able to “snatch defeat from the jaws of victory”. In doing so they brought back the yearly thought by fans of “maybe we will be better next year”. Will this team ever get beyond the memory of “Wide Right”

I seem to going through my own battle with a potential failure. I own an apartment building and I have tenant moving out but he is doing through terms of the lease agreement. He was a good tenant to have. On Monday morning, my other tenants in the lower apartment informed me that they were moving out Jan 15^th and without paying. My real estate rental agent is aware of the problem and is working quickly to resolve the issue. Unfortunately, I have a feeling I am going to end up in claims court with these tenants. I have had to make quick money adjustments to get through the winter and several projects are going to have to be delayed. There are a few things I wanted to do with the website that with have to be delayed. That pisses me off. I know one way to deal with my “head space” issues is to write but right now home is not a good space to be. I find myself walking around my apartment giving the middle finger to the floor. I am also avoiding the trouble tenants and letting the agent deal with them. I know myself and I am going to say something I am going to regret. Right now home is not the place I want to be. The writing is suffering more than I want it to.

I really wish when I decide to focus more on the writing and that I did not have to deal with other people’s bullshit. Sadly, it is bullshit I have no choice but to deal with.

I am going to say this. If you are going to act like an irresponsible asshole and think you should get a pass on it because it is “Christmas Time” then I am going to tell you to “Go Fuck Yourself!” And then I should be allowed one free punch right in your face. It does not matter what age, race, gender, creed, political, religious belief, etc. you are. There are people who deserve to be punched. And hard. I know this country is in the midst of serious challenges. I do not care which political party you subscribe to. This is what it is going to come down to. The responsible people are going to have to take on even more responsibility in order to overcome the irresponsible people of this country. And those irresponsible people are going to have to learn why they do indeed “Suck!” Sadly, you can’t fix stupid.

I am trying to maintain some hope in humanity. So tonight I am going to watch the classic movie To Kill a Mockingbird. Gregory Peck’s Academy Award winning portrayal of Atticus Finch is example of what more people should aspire to be in this country. This is the type of man there should be more. There was a reason why this role was voted by the American Film Institute as the “Greatest Movie Hero of All Time”.

I have also counter balanced this movie with my yearly anti-Christmas movie for the upcoming December 24^th. This year will be “B&B” Eve. “Bourbon and Bombs”. The movie being seen will be the dark comedy classic Dr Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. This is the late Stanley Kubrick’s humorous look at nuclear war. Peace on earth may only be achieved when there is a lot less of people around to screw up the peace on earth. There are times when I too want to ride that bomb down along side Slim Pickens in that memorable moment. You need to sometimes be a bit over dramatic to get people’s attention.

I also got an early Christmas present. A new grindstone. But this one came with a coffee cup holder.

I am going to work over upcoming weeks on my sense of humor. They say laughter is the best medicine. In that case, many years ago when my friend was having cancer surgery and I was in the waiting room. Why did people look at me like I was an asshole for making jokes about him? I should have given all of them a medical bill for my services.

I am just trying to find the balance to the cosmos here. Or maybe it is over there.

My story would combine the following books: War and Peace Leo Tolstoy, Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad, Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky and One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey (to add some levity to the story). For those of you who do not read books (because you cannot) then combine the movies Bad Santa and Apocalypse Now (updated Redux version).

I have been (and always will be) looking for something to inspire me to write. I also need to “goof” a bit. I need to ward off the effects and aftermath of what is called “Tis the Season”.

I know I rally against people who drink a beer because of its marketing campaign. My favorite beer of choice at the moment has a “gimmick” that made me want to write a few ideas out. Yes! I am not above the influence (but in this case I was bit under the influence) of the marketing forces. Each bottle comes with a question on the back. It is one of those “if you had to choose” questions.

So here is what a low B.A.C. and just a little too much free time lead to.

Cue the Music!

Question #1:

To turn water into beer –or–Anything into Gold?

This ability would be the quickest way ever to start a mass cult following. My life would achieve a whole new way of “J.C.” without the “H” living. The way most labor in this country is performed on weekends in this country is by the promise of beer in exchange for labor. And I know I could get things done. Call it “the beer can on a stick” initiative. However, my work force would look like something out of a zombie movie. The downfall is I would use this power at the most inappropriate time to be determined later. The ability to turn everything into gold though would attract the “gold digging whores”. Then I had a twisted image of Pussy Galore (best Bond woman name ever) being killed by being spray painted gold in the James Bond movie Goldfinger. (But then I checked it was another girl who died this way in the movie. It is the idea that counts here. And remember that beer drinking lead to this posting) Then I had the demented thought of killing “two birds (in this case one “cat”) with one stone”. What does this mean? Let me just say it is a “dirty thought”. So I am going with water into beer and hoping my “moral compass” turns up or at least points “right”.

Side Note: I am developing my “Pizza and Beer” economic recovery plan in my spare time.

Question #2:

To always make the right decision –or—Always have a way out?

If I could do the first part then I would lose a major reason to drink beer in the first place. Guilt. The secret ingredient that makes religion work all so well. Have a beer. The second part of the question is good reason for a beer too. Success. That does not need the use of a law firm. Cause to celebrate. Have a beer. Homer Simpson says, “Here’s to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life’s problems”. That statement is Brilliant. On this question I am going to have to go with the coin flip because either way works. He could have been a Founding Father like Ben Franklin who said, “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” I wish politicians could say much profound statements like this. I would be happy and more eager to vote. The answer for me to this question is to always have a way out. An escape plan is always a good thing to have to assure personal survival.

Question #3:

To be stuck on a desert island with a supermodel –or—A boat builder

Why does ever label have to be “an either or” decision? Why cannot be both for once? Why is there always some moral dilemma when vice goes up against survival? In this moment, why does an angel appear on one shoulder and the devil on the other? In this case, I want both. This question does have more to it. The truth is the only way I would be “stuck” with a model is through highly improbable odds to begin with. And even higher odds to be with one on a desert island on top of it. So with these high odds in play then why can’t she have boat building as a hobby? Why can’t the character of Kate from the show Lost exist for real? There is much more to this question. And besides I have a lot more analysis on the reality behind the premise to question. Like the following. I hope the island is a small one. I have a feeling that every day she would want to play “hide and seek” for real. And it would involve a lot of running. But more like chasing. It will not be like Gilligan’s Island. I have other thoughts on this one but I am going to stop here.

But let me add a word of advice before I go. If you find yourself spending a lot of time within your own “head space” please do not watch the movie Field of Dreams.