MUSIC: Ennio Morricone

This is another posting where I am trying to write out notes that have been on my notepad and in my head over the last few months. The most important thing is that I have to make time no matter what to write. It has not been easy.

The Western movie genre is one that reflects the American culture over the last century. Although quite a few Western movies were remakes of Japanese samurai movies. Two examples were the films from Japanese director Akira Kurosawa. The Seven Samurai became The Magnificent Seven. Yojimbo was remade as A Fistful of Dollars, the movie that started the Clint Eastwood “spaghetti westerns” trilogy. Interesting side note the movie starred an American actor, directed by an Italian, and financed by German investors. I think what makes the Western an intriguing genre is the story is essentially a question of “moral” action. It is usually about the lone man who is battling his circumstances. These movies use scenes of a harsh weather environment as the background to the story. Another reason why this genre continues to endure is because these movies have men who for “good or bad” live by a personal code of conduct. These are men of their word. And they are willing to do what it takes to survive. These films lead the viewer to some form of escapism. It is a chance to watch what they long for in their own lives.

Here a few Western Movies I like that reflect this idea of my mine. But I am sure many have had the same thought out there.

Unforgiven: Clint Eastwood takes a revisionist look at the Westerns he helped to make popular. This film questions the idea of what does it take to really shoot a man.

The Wild Bunch: William Holden is the leader of gang of bank robbers who is becoming aware that the ways of the West are coming to end in early 1900′s America.

High Noon: The Gray Cooper classic of man who has to take a stand for a town not willing to do it for itself. I read once that this film is the one that is screened the most at the White House.

3:10 to Yuma: Both versions. The 1957 and 2007 releases. They both are about what a man is willing to take on in hard times in order to provide for his family.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid: It may not really fit into my idea. However, it is really is just an entertaining Western to watch. Paul Newman was just wonderful in this movie. He was a man of action and had a sense of humor. Like in this scene.

There was another film that really defines my premise entitled The Proposition. If you like the Western genre then this movie should be in your NetFlix queue. This film is not set in America but in the Outbacks of late 1800′s Australia. This movie does fit into American Western genre. The screenplay for this movie was written by singer Nick Cave. I know most people will not immediately recognize his name. His song Red Right Hand was featured in all of the Scream movies and The X-Files. Personally, I am a big fan of his song The Mercy Seat. His songs are mini stories within themselves. His songs are about damnation and salvation. He uses Biblical ideas in many of songs. The Proposition is basically an updated retelling of Cain and Able to even more extremes. In this movie, Charlie Burns (Guy Pierce) who is a wanted criminal must save his younger criminal brother from the gallows’ pole. However, in order to do this he must hunt down and kill his older psychopathic brother. This movie is very harsh and violent at times to watch. I think every now and then you should watch a film that challenges your own sensibilities. It is healthy. Here is the trailer for the film.

 

There is another example of a man vs. his environment. However, this time it is neither a Western nor even a movie. It is also an odd choice given my current mental state to read. It is a book titled The Road by Cormac McCarthy. The story is set in a post-apocalyptic America. (It is never explained how America came to be this) In this story, a man and his son are traveling a road trying to find a better place. The post-apocalyptic state is also another genre that seems to be popular from time to time. Watch the Mad Max trilogy. I think it is popular background to stories for man is basically reduced to his primitive elements. Survival is crucial and man does not have all of his extra items available in order to do it. It is about what a man is willing to do survive. Life is reduced to the essentials. It is about what a man is willing to endure in order to survive. I think that this genre attracts people because deep down they want to read or hear stories in which no matter what happens in the end “Hope” survives.

Now how did I come to the movie and this book? The Proposition was directed by John Hillcoat who directed the upcoming movie adaptation of the book The Road. The movie should be out sometime this year. This movie has had its released date changed several times. I think the film studio behind this is having a hard time trying to find the right time to market. I say just release it already. A good story will eventually find an audience. And keep finding one.

And also read Nick Cave’s book And the Ass Saw the Angel.

MUSIC: Social Distortion

The last few days brought some really, really cold air to area. It was the cold that just runs right through you. It kind of fueled my already low mood. As Shakespeare might say “Now is the winter of discontent…” And the book The Winter of Our Discontent by John Steinbeck is on my “to read” list.

I also had yet another repair to do last week. The windshield of my truck cracked. Last summer, a truck kicked a stone and put a small chip in my windshield. Two weeks ago that chip became a ¼ crack. And driving to work last Wednesday morning the crack grew right across the windshield as I was driving about 60 MPH. I want to make the commute to work just once without having to say the phrase “What the Fuck?!” This was just the latest in series of breakdowns I have been experiencing over the last 2-3 months. I am completely drained of energy right now. And I learned another item a couple of days ago (which I will not mention because the circumstances are not completely my own to talk about) that I am hoping will resolve itself. However, the only approach that can be taken is “wait and see”.

I have also been having major problems staying focused and resolved on my writing. Every time that I resolve myself to spend time just doing nothing but writing it seems a “problem” comes that needs to be addressed immediately. It also happens every time I also resolve to clean the apartment too. There seems to be some unknown force in my life that wants to “clutch defeat from the jaws of victory”. There are many days in which I come home with low energy and doing something I enjoy would be a good idea. I.E. writing. However, I fear that dreaded problem phone call. I do not want to get defeated. And I end up just “vegging out”. Surprise! This method does not work well either. But I need a “cease fire” and to a chance to work out what I already need to work on. I do not want to get crushed yet again by interruptions.

It is hard to explain to people about my writing. It is an internal manifestation for me. People I think may try to understand it stand it if there was external cause for my writing. They would understand it if the writing was done as an assignment. Many people also need to see something external like a pay stub. It seems like there needs to be something hanging on the wall in order for them to acknowledge it. I think they feel there has to be something external in order for them to feel it is validated. Acknowledgment and validation has been a struggle for me to achieve. I am always looking at my blog stats to see what is being read. My web host logs, Word Press stats, Googling myself and other sites all give a different report of what is being clicked on. I heard an author once say that such tools were invented to torture writers. And they do.

I heard an interview on the radio the other day with comedian Robert Schimmel. He was talking about how he made through some tough personal times over the last few years. This is what he said that caught my attention. “When people start dictating their definition to you and if you do not live up to that then you are not successful. Then you need to come up with your own definition of success.” I come from a family and also have friends who seem to imply that success is being “married with children”. I am not married. But I do have a “child” in a sense. What is a child? A child is something that you create that is something that is bigger than yourself. It is a love-hate relationship. But you want it to grow and will do anything for the “child”. My “child” is my writing. I wish I could find a way to show this point better to others. But there will always be “the loneliness of the long distance runner” when it comes to being a writer.

Remember even Hitler’s father had “The World’s Greatest Dad” coffee mug in the cupboard. Think about that.

I heard once that you know you are in the right profession when you are willing to do it for free. That maybe true but this logic does not work when I have to pay the web hosting fee.

I have also watched a couple of movies this week that also seem to fit into this concept of struggle. What can I say? If I am going to “veg” I might as well be watching some movies. They were both fight movies. One was martial arts and the other was a boxing movie. I think this movies fighting is used more as metaphor for the struggle within. The first was Redbelt, the latest film from David Mamet. I like his writing because he is willing to push boundaries. I like his works because it is about people struggling within their own circumstances. Read his work Glengarry Glen Ross. The other movie was Rocky Balboa. It was sixth movie in the series and the best one along with the original. The character of Rocky is one of the best film characters. I know the series had a lot of ups and downs. I know this character has been the subject of parody over the years. But you need a good character in order to have good parody. A bad character will just be lampooned. And there is a difference between parody and lampoon. Rocky talking to his son says, “Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me or nobody is going to hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit, it is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much can you take and keep moving forward.” This quote best sums up the story line for the movie. It think why the character is still relevant today is because it is about a person who just wants a chance to compete. To compete whether or not it ends up being a “win” or even a “lost”. And run those Rocky Steps.

And I want to leave with a laugh. This clip is kind of a metaphor on my current status courtesy of Ren & Stimpy.


 

 

Finally, I am looking for help painting two vacant apartments next weekend. The quicker I get it done the sooner I can get back to writing.

 

 


I just want to start with three items that are completely absurd things I experienced last week.

I have a co-worker who leaves his hunting magazines around the warehouse in where I “work”. And I was bored like usual so I was paging through one the other day. Outdoor Life magazine announced their 2008 Editors’ Choice for “Ammunition of the Year”. This was the first line to the article. I did not make this up. It said, “No gun is better than its load. That’s what does the job.” I then looked at the cover to make sure I was not reading Penthouse Forums. I am just pointing this out for I now have a new approach for this year. Hopefully the line works.

Yesterday, I was in a local home improvement store. I could not believe it. They were closing out the winter items and putting in the spring items. It is January 10th in Buffalo, New York. Winter does not usually end until the annual St Patrick’s Day in March. We have two more months of winter here roughly. And we will need things to deal with it. Like say rock salt. I had to buy if I wanted to make sure I have it. Sadly, it probably will not be enough. But I will not be able to buy it. However, lawn furniture will be available for purchase though. Here is a clue. I do not think about lawn furniture in January because I cannot see my lawn. There is 2-3 feet of SNOW on top of it! Here is another observation. The economy of this country may be slowing down because stores are not stocking the items we need for the season we need it for.

The other thing happened to me today in a store. I was behind a woman who thought she was the only person who existed and she had issues with everything. She was draining the life force out from the place. And there was not that much of it to begin within there. All I could think was that I found the woman who was the inspiration for the term “bitch slap”. I am not advocating violence. But you have to admit that there are indeed people who have it coming to them.

On now with the post. And I have a lot of things to say in this one.

Henry Rollins re-issued his 1991 album Live @ McCabe’s. It is hard to believe I bought that album when it came out. It was and still is a very influential album for me. This is a “spoken word” album where he is not playing any music. It is not stand up comedy per say but there are funny moments. There are also parts that are hard to hear him talk about. It is about the story and trying to come to some insight. It is something to that inspired me to combine that drama with laughter. I am not sure it has always come off in my writings. But I that is what I am trying for. And the experiment continues.

 Trying to find to find some insight to an awkward situation.

I was watching Magnum Force last week. The film ends with another famous Dirty Harry quote. Watch. (Sorry I could not embed this clip)

 Yes! A man needs to know his limitations. Too many times that knowledge comes the hard way.

Like many out there I planned some resolutions for the New Year. And now I feel like the Lloyd Bridges character in the classic movie Airplane! who picked the “wrong week”

 

I wanted to start the year off with an effort to curtail some of my many vices. Vices that will go unnamed at this point in time. It is a bit frustrating. Not that I believe in such things but I was reading my horoscope in a local freebie paper. It said that I should, “Add some compassionate sarcasm and loving satire into the mix, and you will generate lots of sweet karma”. What is that supposed to mean? I do not have a clue. I want to talk about an event in my life that forced major change but I cannot. Simply because “whatever you say can be used against you in a court of law”. I have a situation which most likely has to be resolved by the court system. It has been a frustration beyond frustration for me. It changed my economics drastically and quickly. But back to the horoscope for a moment. The industrial complex where my job is located was sponsoring a blood drive. And I wanted to call to say I have some “donors” for them. But I was informed that I could not “donate” other people’s blood for them. It is a crime. I said it would be easy for them because all they would have to do is hold a bucket under where I punched these “donors” in the head. I do not think that this is “compassionate sarcasm” that “karma” was looking for. But I am curious to know how many punches it takes to get a pint. We know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop!

I seem to have to a lot of crap to deal with over the last 2-3 weeks. But I listened to an interesting talk about poop though last week. (Episode 874) I know have a lot of crap because a few days before Christmas my sewer line backed up. Talk about getting a lump of coal in the stocking. But I found it to be a religious experience. I prayed all night for the sewer not to back up and out of the sump pump hole. And my prayers were answered. Just wished it did not cost me what it ended up costing. Prayers answered so I had to put money in the collection basket. I maybe a five time lapped Catholic but it all came back to me.

And speaking of breaking down my MP3 player volume control broke on me. (And not to mention the small crack in my truck’s windshield that is slowly growing.) I had to replace it with a new one even with my current tight economics at the moment. Having a MP3 player helps make the work day move along and saves me from having to listen to a lot of useless conversations. Podcasts have helped me to learn a lot over the last year. It makes me feel productive. It is also bigger so I can listen to more things. It also plays videos. I need to find out if there is a way to convert DVD’s to watch on it. I am not sure. But with all that I need to do this can wait a bit. But if you know how it can be done please e-mail me. It may save me some time and frustration. I am short on the first one and abundant on the other at the moment.

I found also found an interesting music podcast called HamRadio. It features a very eclectic listing of music. I like that it not the same music over and over which seem to be the format to most radio stations these days. There is nothing new to radio and that maybe why people are abandoning it for podcasts. Radio is too afraid to challenge their audience. Repeating the same songs over and over is boring. No one wants to spend time being bored. If you like interesting playlists check out Harmony in My Head
or Roots Rock Radio.

But HamRadio turned me on this song for this posting.

MUSIC: Chemical Brothers

I think the hardest part is the situation caused my economic shift rippled through other things. There are a few things that I wanted to do that I have had to put on hold and may even have to cancel for this year. It is January and I am already sounding like a Buffalo Bills fan. “Maybe next year will be better?”

There is part to letting people in. However, if things do not look right it is hard to share. I know my website could and should look better. I was going to hire a web developer to get the website into shape. I know I should learn for myself and someday I might. But my job is to write and create. Web developer job is to format site. I can only cover so much ground. And I have to learn to stop trying to cover all the ground on my own. There are lessons to learn. But I have to find people out there who are willing to be teachers even partners in the process. In other words, I need more doers than talkers. And that is the opposite purpose of talk radio.

I also wanted to get a video camera because I miss working with one. So the digital camera will have to do for now but I wish it had a better zoom lens. Beggars cannot be choosers. Unless you are the automotive or banking industry. So I need to figure how to put four wheels on my problem or convince someone that my change jar is indeed a bank. I need to be really creative here. But here is to hoping for federal emergency funding.

Something happen to me at the end of last November. It became official. I achieved something that I thought would happen later in life. I became “Too old for this shit”. It lead to my latest bathroom reading book entitled Rules for Aging: A Wry and Witty Guide to Life By Roger Rosenblatt. It was a Christmas gift from my aunt. But I am stuck at the moment attempting to read Chapter 3 called “Let Bad Enough Alone”. So I am going to have to increase the fiber in my diet to focus on reading the book. And she also gave me the book The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook by Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht. But I am pretty sure in the short term I am not going to need to how to deal with escaping quicksand, how to wrestle free from an alligator or knowing what to do if my parachute failed. Call me optimistic. But I am still crossing my fingers. Just to be safe.

I want to leave with posting my playlist.

Simon and Garfunkel-Sounds of Silence. I may come off a quiet person in person but I do not deal well with silence. But this does not mean I want to be subjected to constant chatter. Especially when I am trying to watch a movie.

Husker Du-What’s Going On?

Tom Waits-Hold On. For two lyrics. “You live it up you won’t live it down.” And “You don’t meet good girls in coffee shops”.

Black Label Society-The Blessed Hell Ride

The Headstones-Three Angels. “The problem with living is when you get there you’re seldom forgiven”.

Soundgarden-Room a Thousand Years Wide

A Perfect Circle- The Noose, Disconnect. Just listen to their The Thirteenth Step album.

Tim Wilson-One Idiot Away. Had to throw in a song for a laugh.

Screaming Trees- Dollar Bill. Sometimes you just come up short.

Tres-Writing on the Wall

Mr. Bungle-Chemical Marriage. Sometimes a nonsensical song just simply works.

Bruce Springsteen-Dead Man Walking. “Between our dreams and our actions lies this world.”

Our Lady Peace-One Man Army from the album Happiness is a Fish You Can’t Catch

Neil Diamond-If I Don’t See You Again.

Quiet Riot-Metal Health. Had to end with 80′s retro classic

 

Finally, let me end here. There is an old adage that says, “It is always darkest before the dawn”.

That may be true. But you have to know where the horizon is so you can be looking the right way.

And here is to putting more mileage on the grindstone.

Let me give you the starting perspective to this posting.

I just finished reading Denis Leary’s new book, Why We Suck: A Feel Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy and Stupid. And I just watched the following clip of his to attempt to get into the “mood” of the season. And right now I have more than enough “mood” to go around.


 

 

 

 

 

I try to keep perspective of myself. And it is not always an easy exercise. I know that people out there have more issues and problems than I do. I also remember the lesson that “You should not judge a person until you walk a mile in their shoes”. True. But I can only write about the journey of “my shoes”. I like to take walks in the woods from time to time. I like taking photos of what catches my eyes. Like the picture here. I also leave the MP3 player at home. These walks from time to time help when I get caught way too much within my own “head space”. But right now they are not working all that well. I need to do things that give me a moment to attempt to be outside of myself.

 

MUSIC: Gnarls Barkley (This song comes from their amazing St. Elsewhere album)

I am also trying to come to terms with being a Buffalo Bills fan. I am becoming aware that being one maybe causing “a disturbance in my force”. The Bills will break your heart in more than one way it seems. I am more of aware of this after last weekend’s lost to the New York Jets by way of last minute fumble. The Bills this year seem to be able to “snatch defeat from the jaws of victory”. In doing so they brought back the yearly thought by fans of “maybe we will be better next year”. Will this team ever get beyond the memory of “Wide Right”

I seem to going through my own battle with a potential failure. I own an apartment building and I have tenant moving out but he is doing through terms of the lease agreement. He was a good tenant to have. On Monday morning, my other tenants in the lower apartment informed me that they were moving out Jan 15th and without paying. My real estate rental agent is aware of the problem and is working quickly to resolve the issue. Unfortunately, I have a feeling I am going to end up in claims court with these tenants. I have had to make quick money adjustments to get through the winter and several projects are going to have to be delayed. There are a few things I wanted to do with the website that with have to be delayed. That pisses me off. I know one way to deal with my “head space” issues is to write but right now home is not a good space to be. I find myself walking around my apartment giving the middle finger to the floor. I am also avoiding the trouble tenants and letting the agent deal with them. I know myself and I am going to say something I am going to regret. Right now home is not the place I want to be. The writing is suffering more than I want it to.

I really wish when I decide to focus more on the writing and that I did not have to deal with other people’s bullshit. Sadly, it is bullshit I have no choice but to deal with.

I am going to say this. If you are going to act like an irresponsible asshole and think you should get a pass on it because it is “Christmas Time” then I am going to tell you to “Go Fuck Yourself!” And then I should be allowed one free punch right in your face. It does not matter what age, race, gender, creed, political, religious belief, etc. you are. There are people who deserve to be punched. And hard. I know this country is in the midst of serious challenges. I do not care which political party you subscribe to. This is what it is going to come down to. The responsible people are going to have to take on even more responsibility in order to overcome the irresponsible people of this country. And those irresponsible people are going to have to learn why they do indeed “Suck!” Sadly, you can’t fix stupid.

I am trying to maintain some hope in humanity. So tonight I am going to watch the classic movie To Kill a Mockingbird. Gregory Peck’s Academy Award winning portrayal of Atticus Finch is example of what more people should aspire to be in this country. This is the type of man there should be more. There was a reason why this role was voted by the American Film Institute as the “Greatest Movie Hero of All Time”.

I have also counter balanced this movie with my yearly anti-Christmas movie for the upcoming December 24th. This year will be “B&B” Eve. “Bourbon and Bombs”. The movie being seen will be the dark comedy classic Dr Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. This is the late Stanley Kubrick’s humorous look at nuclear war. Peace on earth may only be achieved when there is a lot less of people around to screw up the peace on earth. There are times when I too want to ride that bomb down along side Slim Pickens in that memorable moment. You need to sometimes be a bit over dramatic to get people’s attention.

I also got an early Christmas present. A new grindstone. But this one came with a coffee cup holder.

I am going to work over upcoming weeks on my sense of humor. They say laughter is the best medicine. In that case, many years ago when my friend was having cancer surgery and I was in the waiting room. Why did people look at me like I was an asshole for making jokes about him? I should have given all of them a medical bill for my services.

I am just trying to find the balance to the cosmos here. Or maybe it is over there.

I do not want to go into the particulars. But I just want to say that I do not do so well this time of year. It is a long and twisted story that I would rather not tell here. I think it has to do with the fact that there are too many benchmark events close together. If I could avoid this time of year I would. Let’s say. If there was an experiment that required a person to be locked in a biosphere with no contact in order to study the long term effect of watching paint drying, I would sign up to be the “guinea pig”.

My story would combine the following books: War and Peace Leo Tolstoy, Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad, Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky and One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey (to add some levity to the story). For those of you who do not read books (because you cannot) then combine the movies Bad Santa and Apocalypse Now (updated Redux version).

I have been (and always will be) looking for something to inspire me to write. I also need to “goof” a bit. I need to ward off the effects and aftermath of what is called “Tis the Season”.

I know I rally against people who drink a beer because of its marketing campaign. My favorite beer of choice at the moment has a “gimmick” that made me want to write a few ideas out. Yes! I am not above the influence (but in this case I was bit under the influence) of the marketing forces. Each bottle comes with a question on the back. It is one of those “if you had to choose” questions.

So here is what a low B.A.C. and just a little too much free time lead to.

Cue the Music!

Question #1:

To turn water into beer –or–Anything into Gold?

This ability would be the quickest way ever to start a mass cult following. My life would achieve a whole new way of “J.C.” without the “H” living. The way most labor in this country is performed on weekends in this country is by the promise of beer in exchange for labor. And I know I could get things done. Call it “the beer can on a stick” initiative. However, my work force would look like something out of a zombie movie. The downfall is I would use this power at the most inappropriate time to be determined later. The ability to turn everything into gold though would attract the “gold digging whores”. Then I had a twisted image of Pussy Galore (best Bond woman name ever) being killed by being spray painted gold in the James Bond movie Goldfinger. (But then I checked it was another girl who died this way in the movie. It is the idea that counts here. And remember that beer drinking lead to this posting) Then I had the demented thought of killing “two birds (in this case one “cat”) with one stone”. What does this mean? Let me just say it is a “dirty thought”. So I am going with water into beer and hoping my “moral compass” turns up or at least points “right”.

Side Note: I am developing my “Pizza and Beer” economic recovery plan in my spare time.

Question #2:

To always make the right decision –or—Always have a way out?

If I could do the first part then I would lose a major reason to drink beer in the first place. Guilt. The secret ingredient that makes religion work all so well. Have a beer. The second part of the question is good reason for a beer too. Success. That does not need the use of a law firm. Cause to celebrate. Have a beer. Homer Simpson says, “Here’s to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life’s problems”. That statement is Brilliant. On this question I am going to have to go with the coin flip because either way works. He could have been a Founding Father like Ben Franklin who said, “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” I wish politicians could say much profound statements like this. I would be happy and more eager to vote. The answer for me to this question is to always have a way out. An escape plan is always a good thing to have to assure personal survival.

Question #3:

To be stuck on a desert island with a supermodel –or—A boat builder

Why does ever label have to be “an either or” decision? Why cannot be both for once? Why is there always some moral dilemma when vice goes up against survival? In this moment, why does an angel appear on one shoulder and the devil on the other? In this case, I want both. This question does have more to it. The truth is the only way I would be “stuck” with a model is through highly improbable odds to begin with. And even higher odds to be with one on a desert island on top of it. So with these high odds in play then why can’t she have boat building as a hobby? Why can’t the character of Kate from the show Lost exist for real? There is much more to this question. And besides I have a lot more analysis on the reality behind the premise to question. Like the following. I hope the island is a small one. I have a feeling that every day she would want to play “hide and seek” for real. And it would involve a lot of running. But more like chasing. It will not be like Gilligan’s Island. I have other thoughts on this one but I am going to stop here.

 

 

But let me add a word of advice before I go. If you find yourself spending a lot of time within your own “head space” please do not watch the movie Field of Dreams.