There are a lot of things in this life that seems to breakdown. And for me this is the case. The bottle of glue right now does not have enough in it for the job at hand.
This posting is an exercise in trying to write something. Anything.
It is also an attempt to keep things in motion because when things slow down and stop that is when the trouble begins.
I have heard this too often from many different and unrelated people. My voice sounds like that of a person being pulled in hundreds of different directions.
I read the book Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk while ago and lately the tone of the book has been in my psyche. This is a book you should avoid if you have (particularly in this case) a weak stomach. But if you like to challenge yourself through reading something out of the ordinary then you should give this one a chance.
It is the story of a bunch of people who attend a writer’s workshop and are forced to tell their own story. And their stories are of heartbreak, lost and the defects of their own character. They are disturbing and at the same time compelling too.
The thought process of my mind always seeks out sources of information (any source and any format) as an attempt to connect in odd way with the world at large. Look! My mind did not come with any set of operating instructions. At times it even baffles the Big Guy. I am always finding new sources of knowledge to put into my brain. I am trying to figure out if my current circumstances or my past experiences have some place of context in this world. For example (not really), there is one that I cannot go into detail because it is not completely my own to tell. And besides I was also told to shut up about it too. But I am trying to come to terms with it and it is implications. I need something out there to compare and contrast it with. Luckily, I have been listening a lot lately to comedian Doug Stanhope and his tale of “Bobbie Barnett”. (WARNING: Do not play this at work or with the kids around). It should also be noted that in times of stress I seek out humor. The more “twisted and odd” that it is the better.
I also have a mind that remembers things at the oddest of times. And I am at a lost at why I would be remembering it at all. (Maybe at a later point in time I will be more willing and even capable of giving an example.) Soon enough the situation I find myself in and the memory become relevant. (I wish I could recognize the memory is really a “heads up warning”.)And sadly, most of the time it is one of hardship and/or lost. Recently, this was the case and in more than one circumstance. I am not going to spell out the details. I am not ready to, willing to nor am I really capable at this point to give the details. Maybe it is because I have not come to their full insight and wisdom. I just want to just acknowledge for the time being that behind it all there is a thought or two trying to manifest themselves. They are slowly churning about like the burritos I had for lunch.
I heard this from Dan Kennedy in his performance at The Moth. “My therapist told me, ‘When you go forward you will be intuitively able to handle what used to baffle you.”
I am just going to try to keep moving forward. But I have to admit. I am beginning to tire of feeling like I am constantly being “run over”.
And finally, maybe the past like the future is something we will never fully grasp.
Johnny Thunders – You Can’t Put Your Arms Around A Memory .mp3
The Book of Ecclesiastes may be on to something by saying “It’s all vanity.” And also the price of knowledge on this world is you basically end up on your own.
I wish this was not a benchmark event year. But I need to beat the rush. I have been thinking about planning or writing out a “mid-life crisis” scenario that would be above and beyond what took place in the movie The Hangover. However, to do so would make it seem less than spontaneous. It would also come off as being staged and fake like that found in 99% of all so-called “reality” shows. Plus the paper trial would come back to haunt in any follow lawsuits over the event.
A quote from an episode of The Moth podcast. “You may have two different faces but you see the world through the same eyes”- Craig Chester
There are a couple of parks near where I work that I like to go to during my lunch break. Weather permitting. It can be at times a real good way to re-charge my internal mental batteries. That lately have been drained way too easily. When anyone sees me walking by myself in one of these parks they tend to have that look to their face. The look that suggests that someone I may look like that person they know as “Suspect”. And they tend to stare at me a bit longer make sure that I might look a bit like the lastest release made by police sketch artist. It does not bother me that much. It is just a by-product of people who watched too many horror movies about the “lone killer”. This is also made me think why solitary confinement is so effective. You are left with your best ally and your own worst enemy with no referee to moderate.
These walks are meant as a way to tempoarily to clear my head. Life can be hectic. I finally know why for generations there has always been a plea to “get back to nature”. If we could live like our ancestors. The reality is we can never live in nature on the same terms as our ancestors did. We have more knowledge about nature than ever before. We have mapped the whole planet. We know where the rivers run. We know what is on the other side of the mountain. We know how long it takes to get to the destination. Space and time in regards to travel is a better known and calculated number nowadays. There is better equipment available to us. A simple desk calculator has more power than all the computers did when man first landed on the moon 40 years ago.We look at the big map on the wall, synchronize our watches and we can see the journey ahead. It is when the journey begins that all the aspects and challenges come into play. So what does it mean? A lot of us need to chill out on the roads and at the airports.
Everyone at some point wants to strip down their life to its barest essentials. And that represents “being one with nature”. It is this notion with view with a sense of purity. However, this is where we can get a bit arrogant. Just because our intentions are good does not mean nature itself will return the favor. Nature is going to act whatever way it is going. Our status in life has no impact on how nature is going to act. It does look at a spreadsheet of people’s wealth before acting.However, people in their pride think they are entitled to act without regards to nature. Example, the animals are not here to sing us show tunes and dance with us in the woods. Walt Disney lied to you. You are on the menu along with everything else in the forest. Remember that.
The outdoors gives us a reason to turn off all the electronics that are now part of our lives. Pandora is not going to put all that shit back in the box for us. A walk through the woods gives a good excuse to be a bit introspective. Because we want perspective. There is a camp that I have been going to for about 30 years at this point. I like the program over there and I like the camp. But at this point in time both of them need a reevaluation of their role and place in my life. I do not want to eliminate them but I know they need to be reassessed. When I was younger, I promised I would never be one of those “old timers” who complains things ran better back in the days. As I was next to creek that runs through camp one morning. I began to think about how nostalgia can be a dangerous idea. Because nostalgia is always looking back in time. But time moves like the river. It goes forward on. At least, there is a place to act as some kind of marker on the trail. Where ever that may lead. At this point, I am no sure where the trail is exactly going.
“To get the answers to the questions. Then you have to accept the challenges”. – Jody Williams.
Let me start with laying out my mental tangents behind the thinking that went into this posting.
I have said this before and I am beginning to realize that the mentality is spreading. There is more and more information available to anyone. And it is not hard to access. But I think people want to be dictated to rather than discover things for themselves.
The Uncle John Bathroom Readers are great source of knowledge that will be only useful in irrelevant trivia games. And they .help pass time on the dumper.
“The Dilbert Principle” by Scott Adams. He states that they only true source of renewable energy is stupidity. And when we learn to harvest it then the energy crisis will be over with.
A few weeks ago, I went to watch someone get a tattoo. I want it known that I HATE needles. Needles are what stopped from having a heroin habit. So it was a big thing for me to see there while someone had needles applied to him with the same sound as a dentist’s drill. It was amazing I did not pass out or run out of the place. I just do not understand why you would want to have a tattoo to begin with. However, I am not going to stop anyone from doing it. But I do believe you should provide a mental exam on what you want and where you want it on your body. It is just not for me. I am moody enough and I could never settle on a design to be permanently on my body. I also had another revelation about the meaning behind tattoos. And this is what I realized. I have never had a person or event in my life that I would want immortalized as part of my body. And if I did. I still will NOT get a tattoo.
I have read several times Chuck Palahniuk’s collection of stories Stranger than Fiction. Some examples were the story of small town that has a demolition derby with combines, people who built their own castles and the author running around town dressed in a dog costume. The major premise about the book is it is about people who are trying to connect to the world through what is perceived to be “strange ways”.
I have also have found myself lately being fascinated more and more by the psychology (or lack of) in sports. I just read Sports from Hell by Rick Reilly. In the book, he follows and sometimes participates in what many would consider just plain stupid. Examples from this book include chess boxing, ferret legging, jarts, drinking games and baseball. The part that I found was that people who take part in these events are happy about it. They have a chance to compete in something and experience the thrill of being cheered on by others. These sports also had a history behind them. It was there but many of the people could not quote specific reference about them.
Strange ideas (or in this case sports) had to start somewhere. Someone came up with an idea and was able to sell the idea to others. And sell it to point where they were willing to get up off their ass and actually do it. In the book, Brain Droppings by the late George Carlin called this guy the “Primitive Sergeant”. In early days of man, he had to come up ideas and sell them to the tribe. He had no research to back up the idea but he had to make it sound good. What did he come up with in order to assure a good corn crop? Virgin sacrifices. Talk about a “leap of logic”. Virgins do not get a good reputation in 80′s teen movies and most religions. Many religions proclaim virgins as being of “purity” However, they end up being the first ones sacrificed or beholden to lunatics. If virgins want to survive just a little longer in this life the message is “get it done” and the sooner the better. But then again when it comes to sexuality and religion there will always be trouble. Especially if a naked woman is involved. And it started with Adam and Eve. Adam provided the first documented case of a “man acting like an idiot”. I know. He did not have to “bite the apple”. That was not the problem. The problem was he actually listened and believed Eve when she implied “Don’t worry about it”. AND he was SOBER. But then again she was probably also shaking her breasts in Adam’s face as she was convincing him to take that bite. Logic and entertainment have always been in conflict since day one. And the reward was being kicked out of the Garden of Eden. Adam then had to think about the future. He needed to find food and shelter. He also needed to make sure the next time there was trouble with Eve that he needed to have excuse for his behavior. And finding alcohol was added to the list. This is also why men became genetically wired not to listen to women. Finally, MILF porn is another example of “purity” vs. “actuality”.
Remember someone hundreds of years ago sold the idea of the “Baby Drop” as being a practical health option for the children.
There is a very thin line between what you view as being fun. And what others might consider a sure sign of mental illness. How it is received all depends on the proximity of a lawyer, an insurance agent or your Mom. Mark Twain said, “Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits.” Nothing drives people into a sense of “righteous crazy” then the actions of others. The problem is most of time these two groups will NEVER be in the same room together. I remember what a reviewer said about one of the Jackass movies. He said it was not his type of fun. But he found it was a good documentary about a group of guys who were willing to come with stupid stunts. And they were even more willing to actually perform the stunts. This movie celebrated their unique bond with each other and it should be viewed within that context. I have to agree. And to be honest, the movies made me cringe and laugh at the same time. This is a relief compared to listening to politicians who when I watch them just make me cringe. These are the ones who truly deserve the protest. The Jackass guys are willing to stand behind their words and stunts. Politicians spend too much time back tracking on what they have said. Saying they were taking out of context. MEMO to all politicians. Thanks to the Internet we now all have a copy of what you said and we will play it back to you. MEMO to all parents. Which group is more honest of these two groups? Which one that deep down you think your kids should be watching? But then again I do not have to live with either one of these groups. So my judgment should be the final call here. But I am making suggestion. They are not on my insurance policy.
There used to be a tradition for first time campers when they are young. However, today it is considered hazing and can wreck a young child’s esteem. It is called the Snipe Hunt. It is where you make some believe there is a stupid and elusive bird that needs to be hunted down. There is an important lesson to be learned from this exercise. You need to know how to detect when someone is bullshitting you. Even Frasier on Cheers came to this revelation.
It comes down to it at the end. There is a difference between “stupid” and “ignorance”. It is called a laugh track.
This post will probably live up to the title of my blog, “Some Assembly Required”. There are a lot of different ideas here for this posting. These ideas have been milling about in my head over the last week or two. It also made for a lot of notes on the pad. This is post is also the by-product of the “Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle”. In a nutshell, it states the longer you observe (stare) something the more likely that object (ideas) will appear to have changed.
I wish people would take into mind that a news article or commentary is not necessarily a history lesson.
History is taught as a linear function of time. That one event leads into another and therefore time acts like falling dominoes. The benchmark events in history that are used in the textbooks are the greatest victories and crushing defeats. However, when you take some time to delve into any historical event you begin to realize that history is more like the “tangled web” Shakespeare mentioned. There is a “gray area” that exist between the victory or defeat on that event. That is where the story of the people involves takes place but is rarely noted. You see how history is formed by the people involved and how people are changed by history. There has been a lot of talk over the last few years over what was in the intent of the “Founding Fathers”.
I read Founding Brothers: The Revolutionary Generation by Joseph Ellis The first thing, I learned is that the problems this country faces today were quite similar to the Founders. The second thing, I realize after reading this book is that my history lessons were incomplete on the events of the start of this country.
I was never taught the real reason for the occurrence of famous Alexander Hamilton/ Aaron Burr gun duel. I assumed since it involved the men who founded this country then it had to be a matter of great national importance that could not be solved any other way. Wrong! Burr felt insulted by the way Hamilton spoke about him in a newspaper. This was basically the first recorded example of we would call today “Biggie Tupac Thang”. Why is it if “words” cannot hurt us we spend a lot of time fighting back with the “sticks and stones” when we hear things we do not like? Here is the funny part, neither one of them had any intentions of shooting that day Heights of Weehawken, NJ. Two shots were fired and Hamilton was killed. The witnesses that day then spend a lot of time years later changing their minds about what they saw that day. This is America’s original “What Really Happened that Day on the Grassy Knoll Conspiracy”.
There was a great debate over the national debt. They had to figure out how to pay off the bonds issued as payment to the soldiers who fought in the Revolutionary War. They also had to pay back the foreign countries that financed our Revolutionary War. Sound vaguely familiar today? We have a history of big ideas and looking for creditors to pay for them.
They also knew that by not abolishing slavery someday it would result in the possibility of a civil war. However, none of them had the political will to deal with it. “INSERT HERE” any social or budget reform of today.
Thomas Jefferson and John Adams were at one point good friends who laid out the foundation of this country. However, as they both served in various roles in the government it caused a rift between them. Neither one of them would speak to each other for many years. Yet in their later years they wrote many letters to each other trying to figure out what it all meant at the end. They both died on the same day July 4th1826. Fifty years to the day they both signed the Declaration of Independence.
We need to get beyond this “INSERT IDENTITY HERE” Hyphenated American style of identity on a whole.
D-Day by Stephen Ambrose is account of the event that leads to end of World War II. This is about an ambitious, “all-in” plan that almost was a failure. It is about how the men who were the “boots on the ground” were able to make adjustments and overcome in an unimaginably tough scenario. (I shudder at the thought of how today’s 24/7 news outlets would have covered this.) This is how the lower ranks not the Generals who were the ones that made ultimate difference.
We live in a culture today that feels that all problems can be handled and managed by a “top down” approach. The history of this country more times than not has shown “bottom up” approach to be the game changer. This also goes against idea that the one who has a best image on television is therefore the better leader. The reality is that the one who is willing to get “ugly” and “slug it out” will prevail in the long run. It is also like the structure of a pyramid, there is more at the bottom.
You do not have to accept my takes on the books above. You can read them too and form your own opinion.
I am always attempting to work on myself as an individual. This means I read a lot to expand my own knowledge base. I also try not to get myself too caught up in being part of mass groups or movements. However, they are unavoidable. That is the conundrum.
How many times have you heard someone say that all the answers to life are contained in the book “INSERT TITLE HERE”? They will only quote that one book to you. Over and over again. I have read many of those books in my life. And here is what I have found to be true. None of those books have a chapter on cooking, automobile repair, computer maintenance, etc. Guess what you need to read another book or two. If this was not true, bookstores and libraries would not exist. I have low tolerance for people who can only reference one source. It seems that too many people nowadays cling to one book, principle, political identity, whatever, etc.
I think the problem is people are generally lazy about how they take in and decipher information. It is a complex world.
I also think people only tune in one source also. And usually this is via a radio station. I am not above either. I found myself listening to sports radio during my commute time. I get it. Sports are something people use to have something to cheer for. I listen to all of this talk. And in the end, it means nothing. The opinions voiced have no real consequences in the world. As maybe it should be. Just like entertainment news. You get to form opinions that you feel matter and at the same time they most likely will not challenged.
NOTE: Some of the following ideas come out the play Talk Radio by Eric Bogosian. For non-readers, it was adapted by Oliver Stone into movie too.
The real problem exists with talk radio. I do not care who. I do not care if the person is on the left or on the right. I am not going to pretend that I have never listened to them either. Please whatever you hear from those shows could you take a moment to process and filter it through your brain. Before you spew it back to me. I hate when people “parrot” shit verbatim.
I wish I remember where I heard this next statement from. “Talk radio is for broken people. They need someone to tell them that they are right”. They do not want to challenge their beliefs. It is the show. The host does not want to leave anything to chance either. There is a call screener to make sure the show stays on script. Talk radio is not about having a conversation. It is about a person indoctrinating. However, the host needs attention and his ego feed. The host also knows the show must go on and that takes money. The show must offend the audience but not the advertisers. Follow the money trail. You may not get the truth. But at least you may get a clue about the agenda at work. The host needs to always remind you about all the hate mail. People like to hear about someone being metaphorically crucified and tune in just to hear “who is bringing the nails”. This attention feeds the machine. Rush Limbaugh needs Democrats more than he will ever admit to. Howard Stern needed the help of the FCC fining him to assure his success. They all claim they want to rid the world of their enemy. Remember in nature a parasite needs a good host to survive. Also as human beings we will always tune into a “David vs. Goliath” scenario. And they have the “script” ready.
I think people gravitate towards talk radio format because they feel it gives them a voice in our society. And that is probably the farthest thing from the truth. It does not want you to drive you to action. It needs the reaction. And it does not get the reaction if you are not listening. And that is what troubles the advertisers. The host voice is what is heard. Not yours. You are not in the game at all. You are on the sidelines. Just like a sports game. Talk radio seems to work like a lawsuit that settled for an “undisclosed amount.” A lot of money is thrown around and people get paid off. However, it is very unlikely that any of the conditions that caused the lawsuit in the first were fixed. The host cares the most about what he is saying and somehow fools you into believing he is going to fight for you. When was the last time you heard of a talk show personality actually crafting any legislative reform for this country?
I think this scene from movie Talk Radio sums it up best.
I do not want to come off as being on some high moral plane. I need to listen to others too to make it through a work day. I listen to podcasts on the MP3 player. What I enjoy is when people are having a conversation that is not based on just grinding an agenda out. I enjoy when people are having fun time. It is good to hear when people not only talk but listen to each other. There is also a big difference between talking to someone and talking about someone. And the show continues from that angle. It is more natural. It is something I miss having more often in my life. I listen to Keith and theGirl daily. And I listen to Kevin Smith’s SMODcast when they are posted.
NOTE: Kevin Smith made news recently when he was removed from a plane for being “too fat” to fly. This episode #106 he explains his side of the story. The next episode #107 he talks to another woman who was also involved with the incident. It gives you perspective from a person you may never think about.
The story on whole is about what happens when a person well connected to various social media outlets and poor customer service collides head on.
Yesterday, I watched the movie Gran Torino. It is a story about acceptance and transformation leading to some form of ultimate salvation. This is a perfect film that feeds into the idea underlying a New Year’s weekend.
Usually, I link to some music that I am listening to while I am writing a blog posting. However, I am listening to a full album today. The Who’s 1971 classic Who’s Next. It is a complete album because none of the songs on the album exist as just “filler”. It has one of the best opening songs for an album ever with “Baba O’Riley”. (OK. I linked to one song. However, do yourself a favor and get the whole album.) It is kind of sad that now a day’s many music artists cannot construct an entire album’s worth of songs. The ability for many people to listen to an album as a whole seems to be a fading memory too. Channel surfing in the digital Internet age is too easy and also too arbitrary at the same time.
I am like many people at this time year trying to figure out how to make a fresh start to the year. And how to achieve that break through you desire. I am not going into the details of a few events that happened to me in late November through December of 2009. It was hard enough. The other problem is that I cannot write anything in detail that would provide any noticeable insight or any ultimate wisdom that was acquired. All I can hint at is that my perception of things that I have held on to for a long time may not be actually true. Or they really may be true. It is a conundrum. (Yes. I had to look that word up.) Sometimes when looking at the equation of your life you have to remove yourself from that equation. Sometimes your own ego is a killer in the equation. I also need to recharge the mental battery a little bit while I am going about things. I have been reading the book. Ignore Everyone and 39 Other Keys to Creativity by Hugh MacLeod. He started by making comics on the back of business cards. He also posts on the site GapingVoid.com. He had one of the biggest downloads with “How to Be Creative” and it form the basis of his book. I got back into checking out his website recently. He is very insightful on how to use the Internet to promote your creative endeavors. It is good to know there are resources out there to look to for support. Even if you are just a “browser”. I recommend this site for anyone trying to be “creative” and needs some insight.
He posted this comment on his FaceBook page.
“What’s the one thing that ALL of the SUCCESSFUL artists I know personally have in common…? They crank the shit out like short order cooks.”
This is a key to me throughout this year. I need to be more prolific in my postings. It is like exercise. You cannot get stronger if you do not keep exercising the muscles. I need to put out more content. Hopefully, it will lead to more opportunities. It is better way than using fast food to expand my horizons.
In the picture is a small notebook I carry around with me through the day at work. I make notes of any thoughts I may have that may help at some point in my writing. I make notes from various podcasts I listen to. There may be books I need to read. Films I should watch. I note websites I need to check out. I have been asked from time to time about how I know some much “weird” shit. I just watch and listen. But more importantly I make notes. I then need to get to writing out on the notepad on the clipboard to expand out the ideas I noted. And make them appear on the website.
I also need to clean up the home office. But that is another sad story. I wish I had enough money to pay for a “support” staff. I wish I could outsource the petty things I need to accomplish so I can get to the major items on my “to-do writing list”. Sadly, “No man is an island”. However, I have made a good case for a man being a “landfill”.
directions.
watch. I note websites I need to check out. I have been asked from time to time about how I know some much “weird” shit. I just watch and listen. But more importantly I make notes.