A sudden urge results when a situation develops around you. However, at the same moment you are not prepared with the right tools to handle the urge. You know. A good looking woman. The stun gun holster is empty. Catch a chipmunk. Duct tape is empty. Have to blow Chunks. The dog, Chunks is back at home. The Swedish Bikini Team lands in your campsite. And you are in the midst of re-enacting a scene from Deliverance. If they would have radioed ahead you may have just waited. You get the point. It is frustrating to find yourself in a situation you can’t resolve they want you would’ve wanted. You can only imagine how the moment would’ve played out had you been in deed prepared. In your mind, you would have executed your game plan with perfection.

An urge can have a positive (Aaaah!) or a negative (Ugggh!) result. It all depends on what you want to achieve. It also depends on whether you are overcoming a challenge or to have an excuse to explain. This experiment can be observed in a bar on any given night.

Now on the specifics of what influenced this post. The other day, on lunch break I had to run a few errands. I needed to also get lunch during this time. So I stopped at Sub shop chain that is found about every half mile. It was about 12:30PM. As the woman behind the counter was making my sub. A loud mouth and soon to be revealed idiot walked in. And wanted to know why the breakfast menu option was no longer available. He could not accept the explanation and became ridiculously argumentative. I was on the clock per say and this idiot made it way too far in life not to know what fucking time it was. I had to make a quick stop at a drug store after work that day too. One item. In and out. At most a two minute mission. Little did I know? I was about to be proven overly optimistic with my game plan. The drug store’s name states “Right and Helpful”. So I grabbed the item needed. There was a man at the counter ahead of me. He had quite an amount of items he was purchasing. The cashier totaled and bagged the items. She gave him his total due. And he just stood there doing nothing. Then he told the cashier he was waiting for his wife who was still shopping and she had the money. I stood there and just gave him an “evil stare”. And yet he felt no shame what so ever. A few minutes later, the wife came to the counter. She had a fully loaded cart and a bunch of issues with that week’s sales flyer. I just stared at them. And still no sense of shame from them. The problem with trying to use Jedi Mind Tricks on idiots is you need to have a brain to be able to target on. People like them and the other guy should only go out in public if they are wearing helmets. Because people like them give me an urge. And one of these days, I may just be prepared by carrying a baseball bat. I would then be able to play the Human version of the “Whack-a-Mole” game. For once I want to feel amused for having to be around people like this. Plus, “I’ve got mad hits like Rod Carew.”

However, our society for the most part cannot act on its sudden urges for the most part. Society for the most part would completely fall apart. Even worse than how it appears on the evening news. Can you imagine everyone taking turns on the Maury Povich Show waiting for the DNA test results?

They are going to be bringing back the cartoon, Beavis and Butthead. This may make some people think that society is going down hard for the count. I think we need stupid characters to point out the greater stupidity of it all. And hopefully, have a laugh or two from their observations.

It has to start somewhere.

Someone needs to bring back the fun. Someone needs to bring the “Weee” back into this WeeeTarded world.

I am also aware of how our society has come to accept “Reality TV” as a valid representation of any person who appears on one of those shows. However, these people are really being created through the filming and editing process of the show’s behind-the-scenes producers. In our mass media age, anything a person says or does can be altered by this process. I am a fan of the Keith and the Girl podcast and many of the guests on the show are comedians. There are quite a few of them who have been contestants on The Last Comic Standing. They all tell the story of how they did not have to stand in line to audition. Their agents did it for them and told them when to show up to do their routine. How they all knew most of the comedians involved already. They also told how they were filmed and how it was changed by the final edit of the show. How their jokes were altered by the edits. Taglines for the jokes were turned into the punch line. In the end, the comedians all had pretty much the same feeling about the show. It was crap. But it was a good way to get their names out there to more people. I am also pretty much skeptical of any reality show contest that has a phone number to vote for your favorite performer of that episode. These vote tallies are never revealed. There is no outside third party monitoring the voting process to help insure the true results. After the 2000 Presidential election, I have begun to feel that in this country we are no longer capable of holding a real legitimate election.

Comedian Doug Stanhope has just posted an article that fits into what I have just stated above. He also feels that his soul has been tainted because he was in the original preview pilot for The Last Comic Standing.

It is hard to be yourself in these modern times. I was thinking about this in another segment of my life. I do not get into much (if at all) in this blog. It is not out of shame or such. I know this blog and that segment would be a hard fit to bring together at this point. And if I did I would spend way too much time trying to explain it and defend it to people who should not get a say in the matter. There is a time and place for everything but not for everyone.

I work for a company that is probably in the Fortune 500 listings. I am guessing about that based on the fact that I cannot afford to buy a share of their stock. I am just going to leave the company nameless. I also want to stay off Human Resources and the Legal Department’s radar to be safe too. The company recently issued its policy for employee use of social network websites. The wanted employees to know their duty is to not to do harm to the company’s image. As I read through the policy I am not sure if I can even mentioned that I am employed at all. I feel like I am in some quasi Witness Protection program. If so I want to be hanging out with “Good Fellas”. Companies want some loyalty. (Loyalty has become a big issue over the last few days with Lebron James incident. I heard a sports analyst sum it up best when it comes to loyalty. He said. When companies stopped giving out pension plans, loyalty was no longer a real option.) I know companies need to have some control on how they operate. But wanting everyone to have “blind faith” can be very dangerous. “Blind faith” is part of what lead to economic meltdown. I think employees should get the same protection as people on the commentary tracks of DVD’s get. “The opinions stated on this DVD are not necessarily those of the Parent Corporation, producers, etc.” And besides if my smart ass comments and insights is the “lynch pin” that brings down the company, their business plan was big time flawed to begin with. People want to be themselves and bring what is within them to work. But it is tough with all of the over-sensitive workplace conduct policies they have to navigate. The current tough economic conditions have brought a lot of fear in to this equation too. But if we could be ourselves at work the self help industry along with daytime television would collapse. If companies are so worried about their image then they should go after and shut down the real domain where their image takes a hit from their workers. The bars. The original of social networking sites. You know why they call it “Happy Hour”? Because you are so happy that after an 8-10 hour work day you finally get to speak your mind. And there is nothing like a cold beer to fuel it. Another note to management. Those Dilbert comics on the bulletin board were not placed there for the irony.

In times like these, I try to seek media that has some sense of honesty about its content. I am a fan of the opening monologues for The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. He does use cue cards and shoots from the hip per say. His monologue is not just joke after joke in order to prime his studio audience.

I am also looking forward to reading comedian Mike Birbiglia upcoming book “Sleep Walk with Me and Other Painfully True Stories”. I like how he takes his life’s awkward moments and finds the humor in them.

I also try to catch certain shows on TV (when I have cable available) or through the Internet. I am becoming more and more a fan of Mike Rowe from the Discovery Channel’s show Dirty Jobs. You can tell he is actually doing the work himself. There are no tricks of filming or editing to fool you into believing he is doing it. Just watch his reaction during a job. It is genuine. I also still admire his TED speech on how work is viewed and how it really should be seen. The other show on the channel is The Deadliest Catch. The show is the chronicle of Alaskan crab fisherman. A job 99% of the world would never be able to handle. The men on the fishing boats are rough and tough under harsh weather conditions. They are also complex people with all of their strengths and flaws for the world to see. I do not feel they are edited and made into two dimensional stock TV characters. If these guys felt they were being shown in a way that wasn’t them that they would walk away from the show. And the producers of the show would have also been thrown off their boats into the Bering Sea. The face of the show was embodied by Capt Phil Harris. He said “A fairytale starts out ‘Once upon a time.’ A fisherman’s story starts out, ‘This ain’t no bullshit.’” Phil Harris became the center of the show this season with his own death. It was controversial but Phil believed his story needed to have an ending. And if this was the way it was. So be it. He has shown all the dimensions of himself for 5-6 seasons of the show and why stop before the final end. You know how you can determine when you have met a truly authentic person? When you get to know a person you start to realize you have never read a character like this in a book or seen on a movie or TV screen. And you want to share that persons story.

Mike Rowe’s tribute to him sums up why he made his mark on this world.

A few years ago, the producers of The Deadliest Catch made a reality show competition called “America’s Toughest Job”. It was about a group of contestants would do tough and dirty jobs for prize money. The show was also a mistake. The stakes in the show were nothing compared to the people who really have to do it for a living. And they do without having really safety nets and insurance waivers. You cannot take individuals with personality spots to fill and try to make them into real people of character. It just does not work that way. Our modern media age wants to trick you into believing that. The personalities on the shows like The Real World will for the most part come and go without leaving any lasting impression. People of character, like Phil Harris stay with you.

 Note to Phil. If you come across a person named Norm where you are. Trust me. He has a voice that can’t be missed. Have a beer with him. He was a lot like you.

My friend Mike sent me a link to a site called Mindmeister. It is a site for mapping out one’s mind. I really have not had the time to really delve into the site. He said it would be a good way to organize my thoughts in regards to my writing. It may be true and I might do it. However, I am a little suspicious of his motivation. I think he is just trying to “build the case against me”. And he just does not have the time to do the investigative work himself. If the state is going to prosecute you they have to do some “legwork” first. They do not have the ability to just have you fill out a survey so they can prosecute for your answers. It does not work like that in the court system. The tax system is another story.

Let me attempt a try at giving you an explanation of how my mind may work. I am by nature a curious person. This led me to a lot of trouble in my early education years. It also was scarred by being in a Catholic school. We were always being told that we had to have something to read or do quietly whenever we finished our class work. I was always in trouble for what I brought to school to read. Comic books, MAD magazine, etc. I was never told “Why” they were bad. If you are not going to explain “why” then you will never be able to satisfy a curious person. In fact, over time your lack of explanation feeds a rebellious tendency in that person. The answer, “Because I said so!” is the response of a person on seriously out of control personal power trip. For those of you who have been known to play a drinking game from time to time. It is the basis of the drinking game called Asshole. It does not require skill. It is more about having an arbitrary position.

I have a visual mind and usually see things through images. This is why I failed at math throughout my school years. I do not see “numbers” as an example. I can look at pictures and assemble things from them. This is one of my mom’s favorite stories about me when I was about two years old. I was a quiet kid who did not speak a lot. I could build things though. I used the color patterns on the rug in the dining room to build “roads” for my Matchbox and Hot Wheels cars. My grandparents bought me a big can of Tinker Toys. This was a toy you build things with using various sticks and connectors. I now feel old when I realize my toys as a child required as a goal that I put them together myself. This does not seem to be as true now days. Tinker Toys came with a small booklet of things you can build with the various sticks and connectors. So for the next week or so I sat down and built them all. I just looked at the picture and then the pieces. And from there I put them together. The instructions started with simple things and progressed to more complicated ones which required all of the pieces. I eventually worked up to those. I built the most complicated one and showed it off to my mom. She looked at it and thought that I had not put it together right. I looked her and without saying a word showed her the picture in the instruction book. She studied it and realized that I indeed had assembled correctly.

I will now lay blame to biggest influence on my childhood imagination. The first time I ever saw a movie that felt that it looked like the imagination in my head was Star Wars. I remember just sitting glued into my seat at the movie theater. It caught my imagination hard. A few months later, when the toys were coming out I was completely into it. I would go to school and just draw out Star Wars pictures and the after school go home and act out the scenes with my toy action figures. I would come up with new stories every time I would get a new figure. In fact, I bought certain ones based on the ideas of which stories I wanted to tell next. The problem was in second grade I would rather draw the stories then do my real school work. I would be constantly yelled and told such use of my time was a waste. I also discovered comic books. I like that I could see how images and words worked together. And this is why films fascinate me. But I could never successfully explain to my teacher why it was not a waste of time. That is called back talking. I had quite a few walks to the principal’s office. My footprints will be forever etched into that floor. However, I realize that the teacher had no imagination (most of them do not anyways). Those who can’t…teach. I still read Star Wars novels and watch the movies because I am still discovering things about them. It is a very dense story. There are many facets to it. I wish when I was kid there was Wookieepedia. I read the book about a decade ago called Star Wars: The Magic of Myth by Mary Henderson. It is about the elements that make up the story of Star Wars itself. It kept referencing the book The Hero with a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell. He explores how man has been writing and rewriting the same story since man was able to write. This is how it works for me. I find something that fuels my imagination and then I want more information about it.

I am trying to become a better writer. And that will be the goal until the end. Stephen King in his book On Writing said, “If you do not have the time to read. Then you do not have the time to write. Because you do not have the tools to write.” Here is another example of the mind in action. I like a good story. I like the story even better if there is strong character development. This is why I enjoy the Spenser series from author Robert Parker. It was the influence behind the Spenser: For Hire TV series. He has strong characters and he does not get caught up in using many words to tell the story. Spenser is man who no matter what will solve the case even when he is told to stay away. he has principals and a belief in them. Author Stephen Hunter created the character of Bobby Lee Swagger that he used in several of his novels. Swagger is a former army sniper who gets caught in situation that fall into the category of “right man at the wrong time”. I just read his latest appearance in the novel The 47^th Samurai. I will not go into the plot details. I just want to point out how I find things that make me curious and I want find out more. In the book, Swagger studies Japanese samurai culture by watching that genre of films. So now a few of those titles  such as Twilight Samurai, The 47 Ronin and When the Last Sword is Drawn will go into the Netflix queue. There was also the mention of a book entitled The Nobility of Failure. And I am trying to locate a copy to read. I think it could provide some enlightenment for some other thoughts in my head.

This is how it works in a nutshell. I find a good story. I then try to find some details about elements that went into story. And from there I want to see how it all contributed to final “assembly” of the story. On top of it all, westerns, kung fu and samurai films are the ones that seem to be grabbing my attention at the moment. So you have been warned.

I know most people will not read a book or watch a movie that I mentioned. It would take some effort on their part. We are in a world where knowledge seems to be condensed into quick sound bites. And this is not what I am about. I know most people want to be told what to read or see. They do not want to empower themselves with a sense of discovery. They base their quest for knowledge more on what they know rather than what they do not know. I know I will never get to control the “remote” for the masses nor do I want to. I know I do get choose the station, book, movie or the event. So be it. I like how I am trying to discover things. Speaking of which. Last year, I went on a few ghost hunts. You can believe it or not. I did see and hear things. However, as is very common in such situations the evidence did not show up on film. But my X-Files Quest will continue. Does anyone out there know of a good area in the Northeast United States for a UFO hunt?

In the end, I am just attempting to layout a map. But to be truthful, I am not sure how the map works all the time. If I did then I am afraid it will ruin all of the magic.

MUSIC: Inner Circle (What else could it be?)

It was just another coming home from work this evening. I turned on to my street. I live at the end of the street. I looked down and there was a State Police Trooper parked in my driveway. And no it was not “About time”. It had to be major because if it wasn’t then it would have probably been the local police. I could think to myself that this was not good. What did one of my tenants do? One of my tenants is a teacher. Could this be 6:00 news material? And I being the landlord meant it was going to lead to a whole series of extra questions for myself. As I approached my home I saw they had a car pulled over in my driveway. The car at least did not belong to any of my tenants. The trooper had a young couple detained in the car and he informed me they would be out of the way as soon as possible. I said it would not be a problem. Now I had another good reason other than a forecasted rainstorm coming to rake up the leaves in the yard. I now got to watch my favorite drama/sitcom COPS live. I t looks like Saturday came early this week. And it was live in my driveway!

It played like an episode in a way. Criminals should watch this show to learn what does not work when apprehended.

In this case, it was a young couple who I would say was about 17-20 years old. And you could tell by the looks that all was not well. The price of my entertainment. Another trooper car came on to the scene. Two more troopers came to search the vehicle. They checked the usual areas in the car first. Glove box, ashtray and cup holder. Surprise! Surprise! Though anti-climatic. But dependable locations for a find. Little mini vials were found. You guessed it. Drugs!

Then came all the usual questions and answers.

Trooper: “What do you have these?”

Suspect (the Female): “I don’t know. Do you think I would be stupid to drive with drugs in the car?”

NOTE: If criminals were smart then the show COPS would not be still on the air after 20+ years. And we all know the answer to her question.

The Trooper then interviewed the male suspect who I assume was her boyfriend. And by the way the girlfriend was the driver of the car. As the trooper was talking to him I overheard the usual response, “It’s her car and I do not know about any drugs.” But he was a boring interview on the whole. I guess he was throwing her “under the bus” not to save himself but to set a chance for future angry makeup sex. It is just a theory.

At this moment, I got my typical inappropriate thought given the circumstances. Call it my “curse”. Call it my “gift”. Today, it is reader’s choice. But I wanted a little more COPS style drama at this moment. And at this moment, I wish I had true Jedi powers because I just wanted to put a thought in the young man’s head. A simply thought like…

“Run! Luke. RUN!!”

So maybe I could see the chance of a good tasering of a jackass.

Or I could get to yell, “He is the droid you’re looking for!”

Next, came out the handcuffs for both of the suspects. And I want to know why more times than not a woman cries when handcuffs are put on?

The troopers did a second search of the car. They looked in the trunk for more treasures. It was good to know that the young “innocent until proven guilty” suspects were prepared for an emergency. With such items as jumper cables, snow shovel, flashlight and a box of extra car stereos. I am guessing the last item is going to be rewarded with an extra charge.

This whole episode was almost a two hour process. But it was an interesting thing to watch none the less.

I must commend the real show for doing a good job on editing such episodes to hit the highlights of such moments.

But I got to watch it for free. And live shows these days usually cost much than they are worth.

This is the best poll out there for the election.

It is all nonsense.

I just want to say that I am not one of those hardcore sports fans. I know enough about football to be able to enjoy a Buffalo Bills game. Let me side track for a moment. It is not easy being a Buffalo Bills fan but this year with a 4-1 record to start has made things easier. The problem is the ability to remain cautiously optimistic. I am afraid if I get too optimistic I am setting myself up for a major letdown. That being said let me get back on this brief topic. It is ironic that as not being a hardcore fan I find myself listening to sports radio a lot lately. I know it is complete nonsense. In the end it means nothing. The reality is it does not have to mean anything. It does not have to be anything of major consequence. I use to listen to political topics on the radio but the consequence to those topics can really mean something in the end. The sad reality is that the current state of it is nothing more than being completely ridiculous. It is all just screaming the other side is wrong. Talk radio is not a conversation of the issues what so ever. A conversation not only involves talking but it also includes listening. This is the basis for honest debate. I do not care what side you are on but you are kidding yourself to believe you are hearing any really conversation and debate in this election year. It has all become one elaborately displayed infomercial by all sides. The person who promises you the most will deliver you the least in the end.

But to get back to sports. I had a professor in college who says man invents sports because there are no absolutes in life. The rules in the game are rigidly structured to insure the competition. We like honest competition. There has been a lot of talk about how unfair competition is and how we do not like it. If that was true then why do watch so many sporting events in this country?

Enough of my attempting to lecture. If you want to call it that.

There was a television show called Sports Night
that was on ABC from 1998-2000. It was a series about the behind-the-scenes of a sports talk TV network. The show was best known as being called by several critics as being “The Best Show You Are Not Watching”. The show may have been about a sports network but it was not always about sports.

It did have one of my favorite scenes on television. Let me give you some set up about the scene. The sports network is in 3^rd place by a distance in the ratings. There is a lot of pressure from the corporation that owns it to improve the ratings or else there are going to drastic actions taken. The following scene is about the pressure being applied. In this scene there are two characters you need a little more information about to grasp the situation. There is the show’s managing editor Isaac Jaffee (played by Robert Guillaume) who has come back after surviving a stroke. The network is trying to use this as a reason for his replacement. Sam Donovan (played by William H. Macy) is an outside expert who has been hired to fix the show.

Click here for the scene. I was unable to embed it into this posting. So please watch it before reading on.

My favorite part of the scene is the anecdote about Cliff Gardner. I think that he is the type of person many of wish we could find more often in our lives. The person who can help provide you with what you need to accomplish the goal. Too often people like to be in the way then be helpful. They would rather point out how you fail rather than point out how they may be able to help. And the people who talk the most more often than not are the ones who will do the least. We all have skills but we all cannot be skillful in everything. But any person who thinks he is the “smartest” one in the room is setting up his ego for big letdown. It is hard to find those willing to help. There are too many people out there like the network people in the scene. They think they are the smart ones and they feels this entitles them to act like bullies and dictators. It’s a petty power play to hold back “knowledge” in order to control people. In the end, more times than not these types of people are the real “idiots”. It is like a kitchen where everyone thinks that the “cook” is what makes it happen. But in reality the kitchen is run by a group of people working together to produce the “meal”. Example, the dishwasher is treated as “low man” of a kitchen but what good is a meal if it is served on a dirty plate.

We are all trying to create or be a part something that is bigger than ourselves. We can be aware of what we need to do. But we cannot have the skill level needed to get the job done. Example, we all can put a bad-aid on a cut but we also know that if the cut is severe enough to need stitches. And the majority of us do not have the skill to put in the stitches but we know how to go about finding the person to do it.

And on a technical note. Watch how Sam moved the network people through the scene and where he stops to talk to them. Personally, these are the things I look at when watching TV. I am not saying that I am “smart” for noticing these things. It is just that I watch TV differently than most of the people I know. I study TV and film in order to be a better writer/creator of such things. It is part of the process.

I have been wanting to write but I just have not found the ideas that I feel are worthy of expanding out through writing. I am my worst critic. It is more to fact that I scrutinize and then crucify my ideas. It is the ugly part of the writing process. And yet it is the necessary part.

So I have been going through my notes for the last week or two. I have to have better ideas then what I currently have on me. Then again they are recycling Beverly Hills 90210 on TV. So I guess originally is not driving force when it comes to so called “creative” endeavors. I hated it the first time. I do not understand why shows that are more about what the characters are wearing than anything else (like a compelling plot) are so popular. And the characters are advertised as being thoughtful. I find them to be contrived and contrite. Thus, they are shallow and stupid. And if those shows were not bad enough then let’s recycle a movie. They are going to re-launch the Friday the 13^th movie franchise. So I think they should combine both of them together. I hated both of these series. But combining them both would compel me to watch. Let the slaughter begin! And do it only ONCE. No sequels. No prequels. Nothing else.

So I am going through the ideas. Maybe the world around me would trigger something to write about. The super collider was turned on. It was the first time I heard about the lawsuits trying to stop it because it could create black holes. The black holes would suck in the Earth and end life on this planet. I hate to say but TV is the proof that the black holes do exist. Speaking of holes. I watched a game show about people having to jump through holes in a moving wall. I watched like I was watching the aftermath of car accident. But then again the contestants were a team of midgets versus female bodybuilders. Maybe I was waiting for Jerry Springer to yell “Surprise!” They call the show Hole in the Wall. I think that is the totally wrong name for the show. The contestants are jumping through a wall for money. They should call the show Glory Hole! This show is based on a Japanese game show. And I have watched a few. I am suspicious of Japanese culture now. And they say American culture is decadent. They being the Germans and I will not even go into their porn “tastes”. Back to the news story. Maybe the black hole will turn out to be like what happened to Homer Simpson in Tree House of Horrors Part VI segment called “Homer3″. This is the part when Homer hid in the black hole behind the bookcase in his home and he turned into a 3-D computer image of himself. I would have link to clip if I could find it. I now realize that my being a person without cable TV that I know way too much pop culture bullshit. And now I am scared. If the black hole does come to be I am kicking people in it. I know the hole will expand out and I will eventually end up in it. I am just doing to hear the people scream. And I have a list with names. With thoughts like this I guess I am standing on the tracks waiting for the Karma Train to run my ass over. And my stop is on the schedule.

What else could inspire me to write? Maybe current issues in our society? What is the most important idea? And it turns out to be the idea that has generated the most debate is….”putting lipstick on a pig”. I do not care what political party you belong to! They both sounded like IDIOTS in the rebuttal on this one. People around the world realized that the reason we scare the shit out of them is we have a lot of guns. And after watching our advertisements on TV to see we need a lot of pharmaceutical products on top of it. That is right. WE ARE NUTS!!!!!! But then what does it take to actually put lipstick on a real pig. It does not involve poor lighting, alcohol and “Last call”.

I was able to find a bright side. Christopher Titus has finally released his comedy album Norman Rockwell is Bleeding. It is a very twisted look into “dysfunctional” relationships. At times very dark and at the same time very funny. And finally, it is all very therapeutic. This is definitely not for people who are “sensitive and at the same time feel morally superior to others”.

Speaking of dysfunction. The modem for my DSL line took a shit. And then customer service gave me more shit. I had to talk to a call center in India. I had to talk to a “tech” who is working on his English and the phone line was nothing but static. The phone network that provides my DSL I now realize still has soup cans and strings as part of its vast system. Here is their technical service in a nutshell. Unplug everything. And then plug it back in. If that does not work then reboot the computer. If that does not work you need a tech to come out and state the obvious. You cannot state the obvious yourself. You are not qualified to do that. I then had to wait 3 days for a tech to come sometime between 8AM and 7PM. The phone company advertises it is committed to service. It just cannot set a time though for that commitment. The tech pronounced my modem as not working. News flash. I then have to call back to order the replacement. He cannot do the order himself. Then there was a problem with my service plan and they did not ship the modem. I had to call again. Then they called to say that they could not send a modem. I called yet again. And for reasons unknown they called for no reason. The modem was being shipped but now it was 2-3 ship instead of overnight. This is customer service. Good luck. (Only if you are lucky to begin with) But without DSL my web time has been severally reduced which may not be all that bad but it does mess with research time. A few projects had to be placed on hold for the moment. It is frustrating when things hit pause and there is no back up support. The only good part is I got a forced break from checking my website statistics on 2-3 times daily basis. Such tools only exist to frustrate, confuse and ultimately annoy so called writers. But such people are masochists anyways. Nothing torments like one’s own ego.

So I am back to going over my notes for time being. I realize that the human species on a whole tend to fail in dramatic fashion. Maybe Darwin was wrong. But I do not want to be the author on those failures. But writing is a “muscle” I need to get back into shape with it.

But in the end I need to remain optimistic.

But I really wish I had something to write about.

Here is a person I never would have ever thought I would be quoting. Karl Marx who said, “First we get tragedy and then we get farce.”

We are now getting this on a 24/7 basis with today’s modern media outlets. Everything is a now a “crisis”. Everything. The prime example of this is the current oil prices. And they do suck. No doubt about it. You know what is really driving the prices up. The media. A month ago they were speculating about oil going over $100 a barrel. This week the speculation is $150. Guess what is coming next. $200. It is just speculation. And this speculation is under the disguise of so-called journalism. It may or may not happen. But the media wants it to happen. Why? Ratings. The media is about ratings. And ratings are how you earn advertising money. Listen. Love does not drive the world. Sorry to all of you sentimental people. Nor does oil drive the world. Sorry to all of you pessimists and conspiracy theorists (but I still find you funny). Advertising drives our world. You cannot do anything with your supply if you do not create a demand. Nothing drives demand more than the fear that the supply could run out tomorrow. It takes an advertisement campaign to capitalize on that fear. And you need the media to help you do that. And the media needs the general public to watch so they get the ratings which makes the money. So how do you get people to “stay glued” to your media channel? Tragedy and crisis. AKA The Problem. AKA “Today’s top story!” Remember “If it bleeds, It leads”. We tune in for that. The media exists to sell the problem. And there is an advertisement for a product that will solve your problem. “As seen on TV” products. “And if you act now!…” Supply and demand does drive the economy. However, you can skew the results by saying that the supply could run out soon. When? Not sure but soon. And here comes the demand. A scared consumer is a good customer.

TV news ratings are down. And that means less money for them. And this brings desperation. So you need desperation. Here comes the problem. It is a bad world out there. So just sit down in front of your TV and we will tell you why you should not go outside. And for some reason the human psyche is drawn to misery and suffering. I am not sure why. But secretly deep down, we are all masochists. The media needs to sell the problem. 24/7 news outlets are not such a good idea. Look at this way. They need to fill 10080 minutes a week. The news is just the filler time for the commercial time. They need to keep you watching for the commercial. So they need to tell you that there are problems in the world. And human beings like problems. But the media does not want you to solve the problems. Problems are their “bread and butter”. So they tell you today’s problem. And then they bring out an “expert” about the problem and tell you how it could be solved. The next guest “expert” is then brought in to tell you the first “expert” is “full of shit” and his way will never solve the problem. This leads to arguing and nothing gets resolved. The problem lives on for a news series that “explores the problem”. And they get the ratings. In other words, they get their “Pay off”.

Back to 10080 minutes of weekly news coverage. This time allotment is similar to that of the 20 pages term paper you were required to write from time to time in college. You could say what you needed to say in most likely 5-7 pages. But that was nowhere near the required 20. So what did you do? You padded those 13-15 pages with a lot of bullshit. News programmers I am guessing had to write a lot of papers in college. Bullshit easily takes up space or in this case time.

Smelling something now?

If tomorrow the media speculated that “pigs could fly” on their own by the end of the week they will find you a person who will tell you it is true. Just because it made it to TV then too many people believe it must be true. In case this story does happen, then I will have to prove that “monkeys can fly out of my ass”. I may be willing even to shove a small monkey up my ass, eat a can of pork and beans, and prime myself with a can of Milwaukee’s Best. Then live on the 6:00 news, I will fire one monkey across the horizon using my colon rectal abilities. I will do it just to prove the point even though it will be painful. But I am willing. But they have to go first.

Smelling something now?

I do not care about your views or even your news outlet whatever it maybe. All I ask is that you engage and challenge that media outlet. Don’t be a passive viewer.

Think about this. The media labels everything as a “crisis” it seems. What would happen if they changed the wording from “crisis” to “challenge”?

You would probably feel a bit more optimistic about the world. Besides, people love to attempt to solve challenges. In that the case, you are more likely turn off the TV and go out into the world. And the advertisers do not want that to happen.

Remember the media hype of Y2K telling us the “shit was going to hit the fan” and the world was going to shut down.

I tuned in the TV. I thought it was going to be fun watching people go crazy. It works on the Jerry Springer
Show.

I was so disappointed.

My advice. Read a book instead. Better yet have a drink. And make mine a double.

And let me make a prediction.

In the future, all hysteria will be mass hysteria. Just tune in.

The hysteria is even worse in Presidential election years.

I know we now live firmly in the “digital age” of media. There is something that I find is now an idea that is fading away. The linear notes. Also known as the credits. The notes those who created the work make telling about all the “who, what, where, when, why and how’s” went into making it. I do like reading the credits because I start making connections on how the individuals involved contributed to each “piece” they were involved with. A couple of examples from the movies. I can tell by the names of certain cinematographers how a film will look. I also know that there will be certain themes used by a specific director. It is like reading the ingredient list of a recipe to get some idea on the taste and flavor of the meal may turn to be.

I was watching a few episodes of M*A*S*H a few weeks ago. And I will say this again. If you watch the show on DVD then do yourself a favor by turning off the laugh track in the audio options menu. As a writer (and also being myself), you find many people want their humor and their drama kept into two separate and distinct categories. And any attempt to mix the two is messing with a very dangerous “gray area”. But I think in exploring ideas in this “gray area” can lead to producing something that has better. This “gray area” also the potential to alienate the audience. This where the “buttons are being pushed”. It all depends on how you handle the material. You can go too far over the audience’s “head” and come off like a snobby avant-garde art film. The act of being “pretentious” is not a way of being “vastly intelligent”. And on the other hand, “shooting below the belt” relying on just “bathroom humor” is the best way to “lighten the mood”. There is a “fine” line between the two. And they can coexist in a piece. Every day, you experience the wide range of human emotions. And sometimes this can happen in the space of a short amount of time. I think that it should take place in writing too. You should basically “aim for the head” with the audience. Personally speaking about my own writing style here. I like a humorous conversation. I am not the best at writing a lot of things that build up to one ultimate “punch line” to hang the conversation on.

The best example of a fictional character that balances these two ideas of drama and humor is Hawkeye Pierce on the television show M*A*S*H. I read the following somewhere and at the moment I cannot remember who or where (so the following quote is not exact). “You have to give Alan Alda credit for playing this character because he made you both laugh and cry with the same emotional integrity within his acting”. It also shows what can happen with a script when it is given to right person to act for it. Hawkeye is still one of the most famous characters in television history. And here is another idea that I cannot remember who said it first. “He had the most important trait for a character. He has a difference that sets him apart. And a real belief in that difference”. Hawkeye knew he was a good doctor in which he showed the ability instead of told you his ability. Just like in real life. I would rather know you have some skill by doing it. Rather than constantly reminding me you have a piece of paper on your wall saying you have that ability. The show was also a sign of the times they were filmed in too. Where a medical show on television these can show some of the “gory” details in surgery M*A*S*H could not do to the standards of that day. So instead what they showed was the “emotions” of the surgery is where the “price” the characters had to be paid. Hawkeye did not want to be in that war zone either but if he was going to be there then he would do medicine to the best and beyond of his own abilities. He was not going to do it on the Army’s term either. This was how he was going to preserve his humanity. Another thing that goes into writing a good character is those little details. Hawkeye got his name from the book The Last of the Mohicans which the only book his father ever read. Quirks like this make characters better.

I could not find any clips on line to show as examples of the Hawkeye character. But here is the Theme Music to the show.

So I am going to tell you about some episodes to look out for if you should catch the show on a television station.

Chief Surgeon Who? Hawkeye is appointed to being the outfits’ head surgeon even though he is outranked by Major Frank Burns. Colonel Henry Blake says that the position belongs to the doctor who has the best skills when “the heat is on”. Note. That in the history of the show Hawkeye would at least acknowledge he was the “head surgeon” but he never used this title as “trump card”. I think if he did then he would have hated himself for it because it meant he had bought into the bureaucracy of the Army. And that is the last thing he would ever allow to happen. Once again he would rather rely on his own skill.

Sometimes You Hear the Bullet. I have heard in interviews with the producers of the show that this is the episode when they realized what the show was truly about. This is the show that was the first to show me the balance between drama and comedy. In this episode Hawkeye’s childhood friend Tommy visits. He is now an infantryman in the war and is writing a book about his experiences. Sadly, later on he arrives at the hospital badly wounded. Hawkeye with all of his abilities is unable to save him. And this leaves him with one question. Why didn’t he cry over the other dead soldiers?

Fallen Idol (No link available). This episode is an examination of “hero worship”. Radar O’Reilly is wounded in this episode and Hawkeye has trouble coping with it. This leads him to get too drunk and unable to operate. Radar is upset that his idol could fall like this. Hawkeye unloads on him that his purpose is not to live up to anyone expectations. He is there to save lives without going insane. This defines and redefines their relationship with each other.

Life Time (No link available) This episode was done in real time with no laugh track. There is a clock shown ticking in the corner of the screen. This is a good example of drama and humor colliding in a story. They must safe a soldier’s life and avoid paralysis by doing an aorta transplant. They are fighting the clock. And it does not help that the donor soldier who is brain dead has not died yet.

Hawkeye provided a lot of memorable dialogue throughout the series.

You can see the influence of this character in other shows. The best examples, I can think of are the characters of Dr. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie, House, M.D.) and Dr. Doug Ross (George Clooney, E.R.)

MUSIC: Tool (I like the lyric “I know the pieces fit” in this song. And it is about “design”.)

I know I have not posted in a while. It happens every now and then. It seems lately my “idea hamster” has fallen asleep on the wheel. It just being tossed around and thumping on that wheel. It can be very annoying. After a while it feels like I should be wearing a helmet and licking windows. I just was not inspired to write anything. I did have even enough material in my head to even write a short blog posting.

I had planned one weekend to do nothing but writing. That was the plan. Buffalo NY area was hit by 2 feet of snow. My snow blower was not working right and kept jamming on me. So I had to shovel the driveway by hand. It is not so hard really. But it is still annoying though. The problem is that when it snows like that you have to shovel every few hours to keep up with it. Plus I helped my neighbor when his snow blower broke on him too. The other problem was when it was all over it left about 3-4 inches of ice in the driveway that had to be broken up. That is a very slow process. I was exhausted. And just could not find the energy to type. And I did not what to type anyways.

I have been unsuccessful trying to come up with an idea for this month’s MoviePoet.com contest. I would hate to miss yet another month.

I go through these times of “no good ideas” from time to time. It puts me in what I call “heavy input mode”. I will start reading a lot and watching a lot of movies or TV shows. It is a process of “filling up” my head in the hopes of knocking an idea or two out. I have read a couple of “pulp fiction” novels. I read Robert B. Parker’s latest Spencer novel Now and Then. I also watched the first season of “The Wire”. A note it was created by David Simon. If you take his books Homicide: A Year on the Killing Streets (also the basis of the TV series) and The Corner: A Year in the Life of an Inner-City Neighborhood you will see the influences to this series. I also watched the third season of Rescue Me. I think both shows have some interesting and complex characters to them. I may discuss them at another time.

But I also need to have some fun too. The world is just not drama. I found episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 online.

The other thing is that I cannot get narrow minded and limit my selections when I am in “heavy input mode”. And a word of advice you should avoid people who are narrow minded. Prime example, a person who only listens to sports news. And let us not forget someone (regardless of which) repeats verbatim the “party line.” These people are “Parrots” repeating. They are not really having a meaningful conversation of any real substance. It gets real bad in major election years.

The other thing I do is load up the MP3 player to listen to at work. I download podcasts from This American Life and MaximumFun. I also found audio clips from a guy named “Dave Rabbit” who was a soldier and pirate radio DJ during the Vietnam War. His show only lasted 21 days before he stopped doing it. (Heard about this by listening to Opie and Anthony Show. I have to give credit where credit is due.) I also found the WFMU radio website. It is a freeform radio station. It means they allow their DJ’s to program their own shows. Imagine that. Creative freedom. A scary idea to have on radio these days. There is a weekly show on each week called 7 Second Delay where the two hosts try to pull a radio stunt off within the hour. Here are some highlights.

I was searching the website of WFMU and I found a “buried treasure”. I know I have a lot of “voices” going on inside my head at any given moment. I think I may have found the soundtrack that goes with the “voices”. It is the audio equivalent of a “car wreck”. Give it a listen. And be open-minded about it. And you may realize why I can’t seem to take it off my MP3 player. And if you come up with a really good explanation on “Why?” PLEASE contact me.