A sudden urge results when a situation develops around you. However, at the same moment you are not prepared with the right tools to handle the urge. You know. A good looking woman. The stun gun holster is empty. Catch a chipmunk. Duct tape is empty. Have to blow Chunks. The dog, Chunks is back at home. The Swedish Bikini Team lands in your campsite. And you are in the midst of re-enacting a scene from Deliverance. If they would have radioed ahead you may have just waited. You get the point. It is frustrating to find yourself in a situation you can’t resolve they want you would’ve wanted. You can only imagine how the moment would’ve played out had you been in deed prepared. In your mind, you would have executed your game plan with perfection.

An urge can have a positive (Aaaah!) or a negative (Ugggh!) result. It all depends on what you want to achieve. It also depends on whether you are overcoming a challenge or to have an excuse to explain. This experiment can be observed in a bar on any given night.

Now on the specifics of what influenced this post. The other day, on lunch break I had to run a few errands. I needed to also get lunch during this time. So I stopped at Sub shop chain that is found about every half mile. It was about 12:30PM. As the woman behind the counter was making my sub. A loud mouth and soon to be revealed idiot walked in. And wanted to know why the breakfast menu option was no longer available. He could not accept the explanation and became ridiculously argumentative. I was on the clock per say and this idiot made it way too far in life not to know what fucking time it was. I had to make a quick stop at a drug store after work that day too. One item. In and out. At most a two minute mission. Little did I know? I was about to be proven overly optimistic with my game plan. The drug store’s name states “Right and Helpful”. So I grabbed the item needed. There was a man at the counter ahead of me. He had quite an amount of items he was purchasing. The cashier totaled and bagged the items. She gave him his total due. And he just stood there doing nothing. Then he told the cashier he was waiting for his wife who was still shopping and she had the money. I stood there and just gave him an “evil stare”. And yet he felt no shame what so ever. A few minutes later, the wife came to the counter. She had a fully loaded cart and a bunch of issues with that week’s sales flyer. I just stared at them. And still no sense of shame from them. The problem with trying to use Jedi Mind Tricks on idiots is you need to have a brain to be able to target on. People like them and the other guy should only go out in public if they are wearing helmets. Because people like them give me an urge. And one of these days, I may just be prepared by carrying a baseball bat. I would then be able to play the Human version of the “Whack-a-Mole” game. For once I want to feel amused for having to be around people like this. Plus, “I’ve got mad hits like Rod Carew.”

However, our society for the most part cannot act on its sudden urges for the most part. Society for the most part would completely fall apart. Even worse than how it appears on the evening news. Can you imagine everyone taking turns on the Maury Povich Show waiting for the DNA test results?

They are going to be bringing back the cartoon, Beavis and Butthead. This may make some people think that society is going down hard for the count. I think we need stupid characters to point out the greater stupidity of it all. And hopefully, have a laugh or two from their observations.

It has to start somewhere.

Someone needs to bring back the fun. Someone needs to bring the “Weee” back into this WeeeTarded world.

I am also aware of how our society has come to accept “Reality TV” as a valid representation of any person who appears on one of those shows. However, these people are really being created through the filming and editing process of the show’s behind-the-scenes producers. In our mass media age, anything a person says or does can be altered by this process. I am a fan of the Keith and the Girl podcast and many of the guests on the show are comedians. There are quite a few of them who have been contestants on The Last Comic Standing. They all tell the story of how they did not have to stand in line to audition. Their agents did it for them and told them when to show up to do their routine. How they all knew most of the comedians involved already. They also told how they were filmed and how it was changed by the final edit of the show. How their jokes were altered by the edits. Taglines for the jokes were turned into the punch line. In the end, the comedians all had pretty much the same feeling about the show. It was crap. But it was a good way to get their names out there to more people. I am also pretty much skeptical of any reality show contest that has a phone number to vote for your favorite performer of that episode. These vote tallies are never revealed. There is no outside third party monitoring the voting process to help insure the true results. After the 2000 Presidential election, I have begun to feel that in this country we are no longer capable of holding a real legitimate election.

Comedian Doug Stanhope has just posted an article that fits into what I have just stated above. He also feels that his soul has been tainted because he was in the original preview pilot for The Last Comic Standing.

It is hard to be yourself in these modern times. I was thinking about this in another segment of my life. I do not get into much (if at all) in this blog. It is not out of shame or such. I know this blog and that segment would be a hard fit to bring together at this point. And if I did I would spend way too much time trying to explain it and defend it to people who should not get a say in the matter. There is a time and place for everything but not for everyone.

I work for a company that is probably in the Fortune 500 listings. I am guessing about that based on the fact that I cannot afford to buy a share of their stock. I am just going to leave the company nameless. I also want to stay off Human Resources and the Legal Department’s radar to be safe too. The company recently issued its policy for employee use of social network websites. The wanted employees to know their duty is to not to do harm to the company’s image. As I read through the policy I am not sure if I can even mentioned that I am employed at all. I feel like I am in some quasi Witness Protection program. If so I want to be hanging out with “Good Fellas”. Companies want some loyalty. (Loyalty has become a big issue over the last few days with Lebron James incident. I heard a sports analyst sum it up best when it comes to loyalty. He said. When companies stopped giving out pension plans, loyalty was no longer a real option.) I know companies need to have some control on how they operate. But wanting everyone to have “blind faith” can be very dangerous. “Blind faith” is part of what lead to economic meltdown. I think employees should get the same protection as people on the commentary tracks of DVD’s get. “The opinions stated on this DVD are not necessarily those of the Parent Corporation, producers, etc.” And besides if my smart ass comments and insights is the “lynch pin” that brings down the company, their business plan was big time flawed to begin with. People want to be themselves and bring what is within them to work. But it is tough with all of the over-sensitive workplace conduct policies they have to navigate. The current tough economic conditions have brought a lot of fear in to this equation too. But if we could be ourselves at work the self help industry along with daytime television would collapse. If companies are so worried about their image then they should go after and shut down the real domain where their image takes a hit from their workers. The bars. The original of social networking sites. You know why they call it “Happy Hour”? Because you are so happy that after an 8-10 hour work day you finally get to speak your mind. And there is nothing like a cold beer to fuel it. Another note to management. Those Dilbert comics on the bulletin board were not placed there for the irony.

In times like these, I try to seek media that has some sense of honesty about its content. I am a fan of the opening monologues for The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. He does use cue cards and shoots from the hip per say. His monologue is not just joke after joke in order to prime his studio audience.

I am also looking forward to reading comedian Mike Birbiglia upcoming book “Sleep Walk with Me and Other Painfully True Stories”. I like how he takes his life’s awkward moments and finds the humor in them.

I also try to catch certain shows on TV (when I have cable available) or through the Internet. I am becoming more and more a fan of Mike Rowe from the Discovery Channel’s show Dirty Jobs. You can tell he is actually doing the work himself. There are no tricks of filming or editing to fool you into believing he is doing it. Just watch his reaction during a job. It is genuine. I also still admire his TED speech on how work is viewed and how it really should be seen. The other show on the channel is The Deadliest Catch. The show is the chronicle of Alaskan crab fisherman. A job 99% of the world would never be able to handle. The men on the fishing boats are rough and tough under harsh weather conditions. They are also complex people with all of their strengths and flaws for the world to see. I do not feel they are edited and made into two dimensional stock TV characters. If these guys felt they were being shown in a way that wasn’t them that they would walk away from the show. And the producers of the show would have also been thrown off their boats into the Bering Sea. The face of the show was embodied by Capt Phil Harris. He said “A fairytale starts out ‘Once upon a time.’ A fisherman’s story starts out, ‘This ain’t no bullshit.’” Phil Harris became the center of the show this season with his own death. It was controversial but Phil believed his story needed to have an ending. And if this was the way it was. So be it. He has shown all the dimensions of himself for 5-6 seasons of the show and why stop before the final end. You know how you can determine when you have met a truly authentic person? When you get to know a person you start to realize you have never read a character like this in a book or seen on a movie or TV screen. And you want to share that persons story.

Mike Rowe’s tribute to him sums up why he made his mark on this world.

A few years ago, the producers of The Deadliest Catch made a reality show competition called “America’s Toughest Job”. It was about a group of contestants would do tough and dirty jobs for prize money. The show was also a mistake. The stakes in the show were nothing compared to the people who really have to do it for a living. And they do without having really safety nets and insurance waivers. You cannot take individuals with personality spots to fill and try to make them into real people of character. It just does not work that way. Our modern media age wants to trick you into believing that. The personalities on the shows like The Real World will for the most part come and go without leaving any lasting impression. People of character, like Phil Harris stay with you.

 Note to Phil. If you come across a person named Norm where you are. Trust me. He has a voice that can’t be missed. Have a beer with him. He was a lot like you.

I really wish I could afford the stereotypical male midlife crisis. A stripper half my age. And a sports car to compensate for what I am not physically endowed with. Maybe this is a good thing that I am not able to do it. Who wants to be sad cliché?

The sands of time are beginning to act like sand at the beach. And not in a good way. It is more like when the sand gets in your shorts and starts to chafe your crotch. Irritating. And you cannot deal with it in a public setting. Acknowledging it in public can really be embarrassing.

The Sands of time are starting to show me what it is and what it was. Sometimes the line between the two can be very blurry. (Maybe I need to have my eyes checked out. It is not easy to determine what to hold on to and what to let go of. The answer is not always going to be the one I want. Bob Dylan was wrong. The answer is not always “blowing in the wind.”

Watch this video from comedian Greg Behrendt. His realization is part of the influence on the next part in this posting.

Time is catching up to me. I am about to hit an age in which I will become “Officially Uncool”. And I did it without becoming married and with children that usually mark that status achievement. I am leaving the age range that is most desired by advertisers. No more cool shit marketed to me. Except for the “magic blue pills”. And I am sure if I will need them because I have never let myself down. Sad but true. Wait! I did once. It was the result of an expensive bottle of bourbon. If you are going to disappoint yourself go for quality. Don’t slum it.

I had a moment recently where I had the revelation of my age. I had a new tenant move in this month. She is in her 20′s. She had some friends helping her with the move in. Amongst them were two guys also in their 20′s. One had a tattoo form the punk rock Black Flag. A band that broke up in 1986. the year this guy was probably born in. I was thinking how a band he never directly experienced could be something he would want to immortalize on his body. He should have a band from his generation. The other guy had a Descendants t-shirt on and it was for an album I have. I wanted to call to their attention that I am too a fan of that music. I still listen to that music. Listen up. Tell me! I’m still cool! Right? Then I realized when I was a teen I wore a Led Zeppelin t-shirt. A band I never directly experienced either. And I have most of their albums. In the end, I kept my mouth shut. I wanted someone else to at least acknowledge that somehow I was and still am relevant. I am still capable of being “cool”. However, in that moment I watched my “coolness” and a bit of my dignity slip away from me. And they both had the fingernail claw marks ripped into them as I had tried to desperately hold on to them.

I am too old for this shit. Almost.

Future possible posting: My Murtaugh List

No matter what I am still going out “rocking”.

Bonus clip from Greg Behrendt

1. Watched the documentary Gonzo: The Life and Work of Hunter S. Thompson.
   
2. It is hard if not impossible that you question your faith as a result of lost, frustration and what seems to be overwhelming odds against yourself.
   
3. The book and movie adaptation of High Fidelity by Nick Hornby. Especially how the main character Rob judges people by their album collection.
   
4. Frank Zappa who said, “Bad facts make bad laws.”
   

The following was “sparked” by a moment of frustration in another part of my life. But please do not read it with that tone of thought. As for that frustration and what it was is something for another place and time.

The following post was also influenced by This I Believe
where they challenge you to write down a statement of your own. I never thought I was capable of doing one. I am still not sure. But I am going to try for one anyways.

I want to also state that what I am about to write is not meant as an all encompassing religious philosophy that you have to buy into. Or even accept at all.

 The true mission of education is to give of a foundation of skills. Their purpose is to lay the foundation upon which you continue to build your base of knowledge upon. The process of education will always be ongoing throughout your life. And it will be going on long after the dates stated on whatever degrees or certifications you may acquire. Education may be viewed as a formal process but do not use it as the only way to “round out” your experiences as a human being.
Over the years, I have collected vast amounts of books. They cover a wide range of topics and genres. I do enjoy reading whenever I have the opportunity to do so. I like attempting to expand my own personal knowledge base. I also like challenging the validity of what I have learned to see if it still holds true.

I have come to the realization of this habit. I will never have an all encompassing philosophical or ideological principle that will define my life as a whole. I am at an age where I should have acquired one by now. There are many of those who are also at my age and will find this to be a scary notion. I find it comforting. It means I will always in some way be engaging what I have collected in my library. What I know today may not hold up in the future. And what I deny today may be one day is revealed to be true. I also accept that all of the knowledge I gain may never have a direct application in my life. That knowledge may only exist to expand the horizon of my own thought process. It may only exist to build up my own personal library. There may be an event at some point in my life where I may require access to such knowledge. When and where this event may occur has not been revealed to me as of yet. If ever.

I would rather work on my library as an individual. I am doing so to keep myself in some sense of motion. I do not want to waste time trying to align myself in total with any particular movement. The problem is too many movements are the result of a passing fad or short term moment of chaos.

I would also like people to work on their own library. I also would like to remind them that when dealing with others that they should resist the urge to completely compare and judge what others have accumulated. It is important to be open-minded. And at the same time have the filters ready to sift out anything that may contaminate your own collection. Be proud of your own library. But be humble to the fact that it will remain a work in progress.

We may all have a similar collection of best sellers and the titles acquired by academic requirements. It is the obscure titles in the collection that fill out and uniquely identify a personal library. The same also applies to an individual’s own experiences

 “The universe is too great a mystery for there to be only one single approach to it.”

     -Symmachus-

This posting is an exercise in trying to write something. Anything.

It is also an attempt to keep things in motion because when things slow down and stop that is when the trouble begins.

I have heard this too often from many different and unrelated people. My voice sounds like that of a person being pulled in hundreds of different directions.

I read the book Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk while ago and lately the tone of the book has been in my psyche. This is a book you should avoid if you have (particularly in this case) a weak stomach. But if you like to challenge yourself through reading something out of the ordinary then you should give this one a chance.

It is the story of a bunch of people who attend a writer’s workshop and are forced to tell their own story. And their stories are of heartbreak, lost and the defects of their own character. They are disturbing and at the same time compelling too.

 The thought process of my mind always seeks out sources of information (any source and any format) as an attempt to connect in odd way with the world at large. Look! My mind did not come with any set of operating instructions. At times it even baffles the Big Guy. I am always finding new sources of knowledge to put into my brain. I am trying to figure out if my current circumstances or my past experiences have some place of context in this world. For example (not really), there is one that I cannot go into detail because it is not completely my own to tell. And besides I was also told to shut up about it too. But I am trying to come to terms with it and it is implications. I need something out there to compare and contrast it with. Luckily, I have been listening a lot lately to comedian Doug Stanhope and his tale of “Bobbie Barnett”. (WARNING: Do not play this at work or with the kids around). It should also be noted that in times of stress I seek out humor. The more “twisted and odd” that it is the better.

I heard this from Dan Kennedy in his performance at The Moth. “My therapist told me, ‘When you go forward you will be intuitively able to handle what used to baffle you.”

I am just going to try to keep moving forward. But I have to admit. I am beginning to tire of feeling like I am constantly being “run over”.

And finally, maybe the past like the future is something we will never fully grasp.

	Johnny Thunders – You Can’t Put Your Arms Around A Memory .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

1. Watched the series finale of Lost. And maybe the real lesson of the show about life in general is that not all the questions will be answered. But we will still spend a lot of time regardless in analyzing the question wondering why there is no firm answer.
   
2. In today’s world of high speed Internet access we somehow think we are entitled to get the answers to anything returned to us at the same speed.
   
3. Why is there a perception that whatever you endeavor in doing does not seem to be valid by others if it does not produce a pay stub or a certificate to hang on your wall?
   
4. Beware of anyone’s personal revelations if they speak of them with a religious fervor. And if they sum up the religious experience as, “It’s wonderful.” RUN!
   
5. Watched Akira Kurosawa’s classic Rashomon. There is always a different perspective to any story. Especially your own.
   

I was watching the workers across the street from where I work. They were power washing the paint of an old building that is being rehabbed. They were stripping away the old paint and you are now beginning to see what the building use to look like. I guess it is a metaphor for my current mood and thought processing. Let me tell you. It can get very strange at times what makes me pause, think and then turn into a writing piece.

Another metaphor came to me. Life is like the illusion of a washing machine. You somehow believe you can go in covered in dirt and shit, get cleaned and pretend like nothing happened. Purity in any state is temporary. It is a state you find yourself in purely by accident.

The weather this week has been very nice. But it takes a while to adjust to the warmth after winters here. I sat outside enjoying it. Weekend mornings sitting outside with a cup of coffee and a good book are very refreshing. I also took time to look around.

You begin to notice what has grown. This is a photo of tree I planted from seed about 4 years ago. And it is about 20ft tall.

You notice what has died but yet still has left a mark behind.

And then you see what may have the potential to grow.

The photo is showing the start of this year’s garden.

I guess this posting is in a way an aftermath of where I have lived for many years. I live right next to a cemetery. I know that really spooks a lot of people out. It really is not that creepy. I have never had to tell the undead to get off my lawn. It does from time to time make you ponder the whole cycle of life.
The only answer I can up with. The cycle of life is something we cannot escape. No matter what we purchase and consume to escape from it.
Over the years, I have made a few other observations about the view from a cemetery. But as I look at them on the notepad I have decided to save them for another time. Or in another writing piece.
 

Now my life cycle.

I realize that no matter how hard at times it is that I must continue writing. But I also realize there is another factor to it. And it may sound a bit darker than it actually is to an outsider. I have either read heard this idea from many different sources. People like comedians and writers are not generally “happy” people. They are hyperaware most of the times. They are constantly observing things, from there deconstructing them and finally reconstructing them in their work. At this stage, I am going to have to agree for the most part with that assessment. I am never going to be a person who is one of those “shiny happy people”. (I really like R.E.M. but that song is really fucking annoying.) I am just trying to achieve a personal state of being “content” within a given moment. I also realize that I am “funny”. But it does not necessarily equate to “happiness”. I have to come to terms that I do in fact have the “disease”. And others will have to accept the fact that there is no “cure”. So they will have to just find a way to deal with it.

I am going to try to increase my output of writing. I am trying to stay in motion to eventually arrive somewhere. My notebook is filling up with ideas and references. The hard part is sifting through the ideas. However, most of the ideas will never be used but they help fuel the thinking. This is also the part I have to for the most part on my own. I have not found the right person or persons with whom I can bounce ideas around with. I have also found most people will not display their work unless it has achieved in their mind “perfection”. I like throwing out an idea or a premise on to the “wall” and pound into shape from there. I like playing around with ideas and premises. Most people want the point first. They are not about trying to find the point. I am also trying to become efficient with the writing process. The efficiency equation is defined as work output divided by work input. But writing is hard to quantify by a mathematical formula.
It is hard to adjust how people perceive a writing piece. They read for entertainment and maybe for the information. They do not realize that from the other side that piece was an act of labor. They may read the post like this in a few minutes. For example, the ideas in this post spent a couple of days being formatted on a piece paper. In the end, it is as it is.

And there are more ideas being written on the notepad.

1. The following albums I have been listening to on a “heavy rotation”.
   

   Neil Young- Harvest and Rust Never Sleeps
   

   Pink Floyd – Animals
   

   Port O’Brien – Threadbare
   

   The Church- Starfish
   

2. Read the book The Checklist Manifesto by Atul Gawande. And I am currently trying to digest Self-reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson.
   
3. The Book of Ecclesiastes may be on to something by saying “It’s all vanity.” And also the price of knowledge on this world is you basically end up on your own.
   
4. I wish this was not a benchmark event year. But I need to beat the rush. I have been thinking about planning or writing out a “mid-life crisis” scenario that would be above and beyond what took place in the movie The Hangover. However, to do so would make it seem less than spontaneous. It would also come off as being staged and fake like that found in 99% of all so-called “reality” shows. Plus the paper trial would come back to haunt in any follow lawsuits over the event.
   
5. A quote from an episode of The Moth podcast. “You may have two different faces but you see the world through the same eyes”- Craig Chester
   

There are a couple of parks near where I work that I like to go to during my lunch break. Weather permitting. It can be at times a real good way to re-charge my internal mental batteries. That lately have been drained way too easily. When anyone sees me walking by myself in one of these parks they tend to have that look to their face. The look that suggests that someone I may look like that person they know as “Suspect”. And they tend to stare at me a bit longer make sure that I might look a bit like the lastest release made by police sketch artist. It does not bother me that much. It is just a by-product of people who watched too many horror movies about the “lone killer”. This is also made me think why solitary confinement is so effective. You are left with your best ally and your own worst enemy with no referee to moderate.

These walks are meant as a way to tempoarily to clear my head. Life can be hectic. I finally know why for generations there has always been a plea to “get back to nature”. If we could live like our ancestors. The reality is we can never live in nature on the same terms as our ancestors did. We have more knowledge about nature than ever before. We have mapped the whole planet. We know where the rivers run. We know what is on the other side of the mountain. We know how long it takes to get to the destination. Space and time in regards to travel is a better known and calculated number nowadays. There is better equipment available to us. A simple desk calculator has more power than all the computers did when man first landed on the moon 40 years ago.We look at the big map on the wall, synchronize our watches and we can see the journey ahead. It is when the journey begins that all the aspects and challenges come into play. So what does it mean? A lot of us need to chill out on the roads and at the airports.

Everyone at some point wants to strip down their life to its barest essentials. And that represents “being one with nature”. It is this notion with view with a sense of purity. However, this is where we can get a bit arrogant. Just because our intentions are good does not mean nature itself will return the favor. Nature is going to act whatever way it is going. Our status in life has no impact on how nature is going to act. It does look at a spreadsheet of people’s wealth before acting.However, people in their pride think they are entitled to act without regards to nature. Example, the animals are not here to sing us show tunes and dance with us in the woods. Walt Disney lied to you. You are on the menu along with everything else in the forest. Remember that.

The outdoors gives us a reason to turn off all the electronics that are now part of our lives. Pandora is not going to put all that shit back in the box for us. A walk through the woods gives a good excuse to be a bit introspective. Because we want perspective. There is a camp that I have been going to for about 30 years at this point. I like the program over there and I like the camp. But at this point in time both of them need a reevaluation of their role and place in my life. I do not want to eliminate them but I know they need to be reassessed. When I was younger, I promised I would never be one of those “old timers” who complains things ran better back in the days. As I was next to creek that runs through camp one morning. I began to think about how nostalgia can be a dangerous idea. Because nostalgia is always looking back in time. But time moves like the river. It goes forward on. At least, there is a place to act as some kind of marker on the trail. Where ever that may lead. At this point, I am no sure where the trail is exactly going.

“To get the answers to the questions. Then you have to accept the challenges”. – Jody Williams.

1. I have said this before and I am beginning to realize that the mentality is spreading. There is more and more information available to anyone. And it is not hard to access. But I think people want to be dictated to rather than discover things for themselves.
   
2. The Uncle John Bathroom Readers are great source of knowledge that will be only useful in irrelevant trivia games. And they .help pass time on the dumper.
   
3. Desire to try Squirrel Fishing.
   
4. “The Dilbert Principle” by Scott Adams. He states that they only true source of renewable energy is stupidity. And when we learn to harvest it then the energy crisis will be over with.
   

A few weeks ago, I went to watch someone get a tattoo. I want it known that I HATE needles. Needles are what stopped from having a heroin habit. So it was a big thing for me to see there while someone had needles applied to him with the same sound as a dentist’s drill. It was amazing I did not pass out or run out of the place. I just do not understand why you would want to have a tattoo to begin with. However, I am not going to stop anyone from doing it. But I do believe you should provide a mental exam on what you want and where you want it on your body. It is just not for me. I am moody enough and I could never settle on a design to be permanently on my body. I also had another revelation about the meaning behind tattoos. And this is what I realized. I have never had a person or event in my life that I would want immortalized as part of my body. And if I did. I still will NOT get a tattoo.

I have read several times Chuck Palahniuk’s collection of stories Stranger than Fiction. Some examples were the story of small town that has a demolition derby with combines, people who built their own castles and the author running around town dressed in a dog costume. The major premise about the book is it is about people who are trying to connect to the world through what is perceived to be “strange ways”.

I have also have found myself lately being fascinated more and more by the psychology (or lack of) in sports. I just read Sports from Hell by Rick Reilly. In the book, he follows and sometimes participates in what many would consider just plain stupid. Examples from this book include chess boxing, ferret legging, jarts, drinking games and baseball. The part that I found was that people who take part in these events are happy about it. They have a chance to compete in something and experience the thrill of being cheered on by others. These sports also had a history behind them. It was there but many of the people could not quote specific reference about them.

Strange ideas (or in this case sports) had to start somewhere. Someone came up with an idea and was able to sell the idea to others. And sell it to point where they were willing to get up off their ass and actually do it. In the book, Brain Droppings by the late George Carlin called this guy the “Primitive Sergeant”. In early days of man, he had to come up ideas and sell them to the tribe. He had no research to back up the idea but he had to make it sound good. What did he come up with in order to assure a good corn crop? Virgin sacrifices. Talk about a “leap of logic”. Virgins do not get a good reputation in 80′s teen movies and most religions. Many religions proclaim virgins as being of “purity” However, they end up being the first ones sacrificed or beholden to lunatics. If virgins want to survive just a little longer in this life the message is “get it done” and the sooner the better. But then again when it comes to sexuality and religion there will always be trouble. Especially if a naked woman is involved. And it started with Adam and Eve. Adam provided the first documented case of a “man acting like an idiot”. I know. He did not have to “bite the apple”. That was not the problem. The problem was he actually listened and believed Eve when she implied “Don’t worry about it”. AND he was SOBER. But then again she was probably also shaking her breasts in Adam’s face as she was convincing him to take that bite. Logic and entertainment have always been in conflict since day one. And the reward was being kicked out of the Garden of Eden. Adam then had to think about the future. He needed to find food and shelter. He also needed to make sure the next time there was trouble with Eve that he needed to have excuse for his behavior. And finding alcohol was added to the list. This is also why men became genetically wired not to listen to women. Finally, MILF porn is another example of “purity” vs. “actuality”.

Remember someone hundreds of years ago sold the idea of the “Baby Drop” as being a practical health option for the children.

There is a very thin line between what you view as being fun. And what others might consider a sure sign of mental illness. How it is received all depends on the proximity of a lawyer, an insurance agent or your Mom. Mark Twain said, “Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits.” Nothing drives people into a sense of “righteous crazy” then the actions of others. The problem is most of time these two groups will NEVER be in the same room together. I remember what a reviewer said about one of the Jackass movies. He said it was not his type of fun. But he found it was a good documentary about a group of guys who were willing to come with stupid stunts. And they were even more willing to actually perform the stunts. This movie celebrated their unique bond with each other and it should be viewed within that context. I have to agree. And to be honest, the movies made me cringe and laugh at the same time. This is a relief compared to listening to politicians who when I watch them just make me cringe. These are the ones who truly deserve the protest. The Jackass guys are willing to stand behind their words and stunts. Politicians spend too much time back tracking on what they have said. Saying they were taking out of context. MEMO to all politicians. Thanks to the Internet we now all have a copy of what you said and we will play it back to you. MEMO to all parents. Which group is more honest of these two groups? Which one that deep down you think your kids should be watching? But then again I do not have to live with either one of these groups. So my judgment should be the final call here. But I am making suggestion. They are not on my insurance policy.

There used to be a tradition for first time campers when they are young. However, today it is considered hazing and can wreck a young child’s esteem. It is called the Snipe Hunt. It is where you make some believe there is a stupid and elusive bird that needs to be hunted down. There is an important lesson to be learned from this exercise. You need to know how to detect when someone is bullshitting you. Even Frasier on Cheers came to this revelation.

It comes down to it at the end. There is a difference between “stupid” and “ignorance”. It is called a laugh track.

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But I did find a reason for becoming a parent.

As Forrest Gump noted, “Stupid is as stupid does.” So I follow you Dad.

Why can’t I hear the laugh track?

There has been a lot of yelling and screaming about illegal aliens coming to this country. Even Stephen Hawking chimed in on the matter. He stated that if aliens from another planet (the ones that are lot farther away than Mexico) came to Earth there would be a lot of problems. People would lose their shit on a level never seen on this planet. Not even on the Jerry Springer Show or political protest rally. Aliens would bring us even more problems such as violence and diseases. So this means the aliens are also watching CNN or Fox News. And they are thinking “Hey! That sounds like a place we would easily fit right into.” But we should listen to the warnings. And most likely we won’t. But we should take the time to listen even though Stephen Hawking’s “Speak and Spell” voice can be a bit creepy to listen too. However, it maybe the right sounding voice for this matter. Remember, E.T. hotwired a Speak and Spell to allow, “E.T. phone home.” I guess the Professor may have a better cell phone plan to call out of his network to reach the alien worlds. Hey, this Professor is better than the other one and his coconut radio. And that professor would be totally useless trying to fix the hole in the ship for space travel. Don’t call yourself a genius if fixing a hole is engineering beyond your abilities.

I am a member of generation that was raised on repeated viewing of Star Wars movies and weekly episodes of various incarnations of Star Trek. We have the idea that traveling through space could actually be a fun adventure. You can’t defeat the “Evil Galactic Empire” sitting on your own home planet. We also want to be having philosophical discussions of the role man vs. the “Prime Directive.”

My generation was also repeated watched the Sylvester Stallone‘s Rocky and Rambo movie series. (But we will not admit to it. But secretly when no one is watching we want to run the steps in Philly). So our mind have access to variety of images and speeches to rally us when the “odds are against us”. We have this deeply vague notion in the back of our psyche that we can machine gun our way through 12 rounds to achieve victory. So, BRING IT ON!

But we also live in a time where the culture is to sue over every minor injury. “You can’t cry over spilled milk.” But that never stopped a lawyer from filing suit. “Crying over hot coffee spilled in your lap after you distracted drove into a pothole” makes you able to have a payout from the McDonald’s corporation.

We talk a good game. Walking the line is something else all together. But like foreign policy. It does not stop us from acting out. We saw Aliens. We are cheering for a fight.

(The following is another example of how I failed to grasp my Catholic education. I cannot directly quote Scripture. But I can repeat quotes from Star Wars)

In the moment of challenge, remember the wisdom of Yoda. “Do or Do not. There is no try”

(Catholic education needs to invest in puppets and better special effects. It is just a suggestion. But you really need to capture an audience’s attention. Wait! That sounds like the premise behind a cult.)

The problem now it is become more about the rhetoric than the substance. It used to be that political arguments would flare up from time to time. Today, with the 24 hour news cycle the arguing is relentless. It just keeps grinding away at you. It is all politics as usual. I wish there could be time when politics would be useful. I mean at least useful to masses. I do not know why we would want to surrender all aspects of our life to be dictated by a political class. This class includes both sides. They are both the same when it comes down to it. They just are pandering to small group that throws them a shit load of money. At this point, maybe all elections should be run by E-Bay. And all debates will be on the Game Show Network. Just remember you get what paid for. But you cannot fix stupid. WARNING: Buyer Beware!

I also hate that all sides are yelling about who is and is not “politically correct”. Politics has become an exercise about blaming it all on the other side. And not accepting you may have had a role in things not going so good. Enough already. Talk like a real person. Using “your group speak” is just so shallow. Stop the rhetoric and get to your message. This is why debates need to have a shot clock.

Albert Einstein said, “The answer is ‘yes’ or ‘no’ depending on the interpretation”. The same idea applies to people too. There have been reports how Goldman Sachs played all sides of the financial markets. The dilemma of our lives (and it always has been) is that the action of others does have some type of impact on our lives. We are always “betting” on the outcome of the efforts of others. I listen to people bitching about the results of a sports game. They mention all of these stats about all these various details of an athlete’s skills. It is all stats. What is the difference between the stats on the back of a baseball card and mutual fund outlook report? We are all looking at pages of numbers about anything. And we are praying we picked the right one. Experts are just better guessers. In other words, they have a bit more luck than the next guy. The line between skill and luck is a “razor’s edge”. And we argue that “edge” in lawsuits complaining about the outcome.

Mark Twain said, “The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.” But to add to it so are their actions. This idea is what is behind everyone screaming that there needs to be more laws and regulations to control the actions of others. We have been passing laws since the “dawn of time”. And what has history taught us. People as a whole are pretty much “rude and crude” to one another. I want someone to find a time when people were “civil” towards one another anywhere on this planet for any long amounts of time. Courteous behavior is at most a brief momentary action. You hold the door for one person and slam it on the next. The technological and scientific knowledge base for the human race has increased tremendously in the last 100 years. But the emotional intelligence has pretty much stayed on the same flat line it has always been on.

Watch the Example.

For the most part. Men find it funny. Women are grossed out by it. This is how we are wired. And no ruling can change it. The Song will always remain the same.

It just is not easy dealing with other people. (Especially during commutes to work. Everyone else is driving like they are hardwired morons.) I have a chance to think about what is going through a person’s mind. You are probably going to job to that you may not necessarily enjoy. However, your economical survival depends on it. Surviving life is not the same as living life. Your job whether you like it or not does provide a sense of your identity. Your paycheck does more to define you at times. It does not always “affirm” you as a person. If your hopes and dreams were relevant at the moment then you would be collecting a paycheck on them. It is what is hanging on your wall (awards,degrees,etc.) is what people take notice of. It is easier, to take a quick look on a wall and learn about a person. Take the time to inquiry about the experiences that have shaped a person’s life. (There is a major difference between what a person knows and what a person does.) It is riskier to engage a person directly, especially without proper background checks and personal protection. This is part of the reason why Facebook is popular.

In the end, life is just a “crap shot” when it comes to dealing with people. So be prepared. Carry toilet paper.

It can be a bit weird dealing with people.

Make a woman laugh. And the next thing you are getting the promise of an employment opportunity. Maybe the notion of a “free market economy” is really a more effective model. But I still have the feeling Allen Funt is going to back from beyond the grave to say, “Surprise! You’re on Candid Camera.” Or an appearance on Jackass.

What does it mean?

I need to clean up my resume. I need to use better adjectives. You may call it “lying”. I call it be “colorful”. Like a box of crayons.

It might not be the Season. But the following idea is related to that Season.

In the end, it is all about managing the great divide between expectations and results. This is the real lesson that comes from gifts found under the Christmas tree. Sadly, the packaging and wrapping can be very deceptive. For those you who do not like what I just said and believe the Christmas is about “Peace”. There is no way the powers that be on Madison Ave. or the television networks are going to let that happen anytime soon. Since I have already caused trouble then let me continue on. The Three Kings were the first example of a welfare system at work. And everyone from there on out thought their kid was special.

I must be channeling the spirit of Groucho Marx who stated, “I hardly know where to begin. I hardly know when to stop, either; just give me a few drinks and see for yourself.”

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