December 21 2012- “That’s all folks!”
Really?
Why is it every few years the human population looks to a new source when it comes to predicting the “End of the World”? Nostradamus, Y2K, etc. And this time around it is the Mayans turn. Why them of all people? Who the fuck knows? And I am pretty sure no one does either.
I do not understand why people are looking for this event with anticipation. The reality is it will not be the “party” people would want to go to. After college, the idea of a “loud, obnoxious party” seems to be an aggravation to avoid going to.
In fact maybe “The End of the World” should be treated like the way will do with taxes each year. Put it off for as long as possible.
I am not sure why the “End” is so popular. Maybe it has to with the series The Walking Dead. (First two seasons are streaming on Netflix)
And here are some things I have noticed with the show. And about the “End times”.
- Everybody thinks they should stock up on weapons. The reality is the first thing that will be stocked up on is toilet paper and diapers because a lot of people will really be “losing their shit” when think about what they are about to face. So do not forgot the air fresheners while you are there.
- The second thing is their will be a run on all the anti-depressant medication because people can put off the “bad” for as long as possible by taking them. At least that is what the commercial advertisements have been saying. And given the amount of drugs in this country the effects of the “Apocalypse” will not really kick in for a year or maybe two.
- There is an upside to the “Apocalypse”. Really. I have noticed that as I have been watching the Walking Dead episodes.
First, the everyday aggravations of life disappear. Example, you can go to the bathroom without interruptions. In the show, you never see a character off it the woods for#2. Just sitting maybe reading a magazine when about mid loaf all of the sudden a zombie is upon him.
Second, having the skill of a hairdresser or a barber is worthless since no one hair grows ever again. Also the lawns stop growing too. Basically, the society’s low end skilled professions are obsolete. Sorry. But those are annoying appointments to handle when things were going well.
Third, the utilities somehow stay on except for those at gas stations, supermarkets and other convenience stores.
4. Here is a survival tip on how NOT to become a zombie. (I read this one somewhere and forgot where. I would give credit where it is due.) On the show due to trademark protection none of the Zombies can be shown wearing any clothing with logos on it. Ironically, anyone wearing a sports jersey or political t-shirt cannot be filmed because of trademarks on the show. The message is that only the “unfashionable” can be turned in to Zombies. So it kind has the subversive undertone in support of name brand consumer consumption.
5. On the timing of “End” there is one thing most people hope for. They will not be caught at work when it happens. It is not because they are overly concerned with their family’s survival. (Watch Maury or Jerry to see what people at “The Edge” feel about their family and their responsibility towards them.) We have all taken some type of inventory when it comes to our co-workers and their abilities should the “shit truly hit the fan”. And that is what has made us worry. Because the reality is given those circumstances “we are fucked”. The co-worker who has the bill collectors on his ass every day is not a person who will be useful when it comes to allocating resources. The one who cannot figure out how to operate the copier should never be given a weapon to fire. And let us not forget the one who can never seem to remember how and why to reload the coffeemaker. If this is the crew you had better prepare for a “quick surrender”.
6. Your best chance at survival when comes to those circumstances increases greatly if your crew contains “Criminals” (However, not Hannibal Lecter/ Charles Manson types) and “Country Boys” a.k.a. “Rednecks”. So in other words, you may think twice before hitting the locks on your car when speeding out of town.
Please add any more observations to this if you have them.
As for those of you who are going to lose sleep over this tonight.
Let me close this out with a “Long Distance Dedication”
And Don’t Forget
More Cowbell!
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